"Come Out of the Closet" A Japanese goddess gives a very strong message on the blessed occasion of Devi's Enlightenment Anniversary

One of the decks I work with is called The Ascended Master Oracle. It's a well rounded deck, containing a multitude of spiritual beings from every corner of the globe. One card shows Amaterasu, a Japanese Shinto goddess of the Sun. This blog is being written now because her card has come up in literally every reading I've given for the past week. It's message is this: "Come out of the Closet."

Whenever a single card comes up continuously like this, it's meaning applies to the entire world, not just to the clients who draw it. (Like the powerful message of the Babaji card, which appeared in an unmatched and unprecedented 2 month streak.)

On this auspicious occasion of Devi's enlightenment anniversary, one incarnation of the divine mother, Amaterasu, would like her story to be known.

(Please note: the Amaterasu story that you're about to read is a combination of Shinto legend, and creative license based storytelling; it's the story I tell my clients when they draw her card. It differs slightly from the Japanese legend, and therefore should not be mistaken for cultural, religious or historical fact, but is a nice representation of Amaterasu's Truth.)

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Amaterasu was a princess born with a fraternal twin brother. Her brother was an embodiment of darkness, while she herself was an embodiment of light. In their childhood, she would follow her brother all around the palace, fixing whatever he broke- vases, lanterns, ornaments... as she cleaned up his incessant mess, she would sing sweetly to herself. Yet everyone ignored Amaterasu's good and chose instead to focus on her brother. They nurtured and coddled him, preparing him to take the throne as emperor. One day, while Amaterasu was straightening a stack of calligraphy papers that her brother had upturned, her father scolded her to be quiet. It was one thing for her sweet singing to be ignored, and another thing entirely for it to be shunned. Amaterasu had had enough. Brokenheartedly, she left the lavish comforts of her palace home and set out on a lone journey of renunciation. After days and days of walking, she found a mountain cave, went inside, and sat down.

Years after Amaterasu's departure, her father finally noticed that she was gone. But by then, it was too late to curb her brothers path of destruction, and all the kingdom had fallen into chaos- he was running rampant, and without Amaterasu's light to balance his dark energy, there was no end to the harm he caused. Having grown into a full embodiment of ignorance, arrogance and anger, he no longer fancied his childhood outbursts of breaking vases or turning over calligraphy papers; instead, he used his negative force to instigate, fight and truly terrorize the kingdom. He became a dark storm cloud that hung over the entire country.

Out of desperation, Amaterasu's father sought the counsel of an elderly sage who lived in the forrest. "Oh Great Sage, I have failed my kingdom by failing my daughter. In her childhood, I scolded her for singing sweetly... Instead of nurturing her good, I neglected her and instead praised my rotten son. Now, my good girl is gone, and everything is in shambles. What should I do?"

The wise man said, "Seek out Amaterasu in a mountain cave."

With the blessing of the master, Amaterasu's father found her the following day, and called, "Oh, my beloved daughter, please come home! We need you desperately."

But she did not come.

Once again the emperor went to the enlightened recluse and grieved, "She will not even listen to me! How can I get her back?"

The sage said, "You must show dear Amaterasu something worth returning to the world for; the fulfillment she has found in herself in that cave is infinitely sweeter than the upbringing you gave her. As long as she thinks the world prefers to be in the dark, she will hide there, in lone enjoyment of her light."

Determined, the emperor returned the cave and called, "Amaterasu! I have brought the most beautiful things to show my reverence for you and your light. A golden hair comb studded with pearls, the finest music box money can buy, a rare silk kimono... Please, you will be Empress; come out and claim your birthright!"

Still, Amaterasu didn't budge.

It was then that the master appeared before the destitute king, and said, "Can you not see- your girl has gone beyond the base, worldly desire to rule over others and own fancy things. You have shown her that which would be worth coming out for, to you, if you were hidden away. Now, show her something that she will find worthy of her attention." With that, the enlightened one vanished.

Instantly, the emperor had an idea- since there was nothing in the world more radiant than Amaterasu herself, he could lure her out only by displaying her reflection. He held an enormous mirror in front of the entrance to her cave, and cried, "Amaterasu- look here!"

The moment she looked up, Amaterasu was mesmerized by the light she beheld. Not recognizing it as her own form, she rushed towards the mirror with such momentous force that she flew right through the glass, past her father, and all the way into the sky above. As she sailed past the atmosphere, she understood that her father had shown her a mirror, and that the blinding light was hers alone. Beyond the point of no return, she willed herself to shine more brightly than ever before.

"Let my father see my radiance, and know that I am well. Let all be blessed by this joyful light that has become me!"

That moment, Amaterasu became the Sun. Her shining benevolence was so powerful, it burned through the storm clouds that hung over her father's land, and instantly, the balance was restored not only in his country, but in the entire world. Her brother dropped to the ground in praise of his sister, taking a vow to expose all of his faults so that they could be transformed in the clarity of her light.

The world rejoiced. Amaterasu's light was no longer confined to the role of subservience, no longer an afterthought next to her brother's Patriarchal rule, nor a replacement for it. Her light became a guiding force and inspiration for all those who beheld her to seek their highest potential.

In the Light of his sister's Love, Amaterasu's brother transformed, and ruled the people with Justice, Compassion and Spiritual Wisdom.

Instant Karma and Indigo Children: Why are the purest always the first ones punished?

I had a click the other day at work when a concerned mother told me that her son, an Indigo, seems troubled by his karma. While they were at the dinner table discussing their weekend plans, she told him to do as she said, or his karma would get him. (She must have seen Kali in my eyes, because instantly, before I could give a disapproving comment, she said that she would never again try to guilt him or scare him into following her orders.) Anyways, she said that his answer gave her a jolt. Only thirteen years old, he said to her, “I know all about karma, Mom. I get instant karma.” She asked him to explain, and he said, “Some people do something bad, then maybe in another lifetime the karma for it comes back to them. But me- even if I do something just a little bit bad, the karma gets me for it really soon. Instantly...” She told me she didn’t know what to say to him, because she herself was not clear about what karma really is. It seems to me, this is a new-age variation of the age old question “Why do bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people?” Of course, the update is- “Why do well-intentioned people who do one little bad thing instantly get bit for it, while people who go on abusing and harming others continually seem not to get bit at all?”

This concerned mother was not the first client to bring up the odd phenomenon to me. And actually, it’s something I’ve experienced throughout my own life. It’s become so prevalent, in fact, that “Instant Karma” is a known and regularly used term in metaphysical circles. 

Finally, she asked, “Why does my son have instant karma but his friends don’t? Is he just imagining it?”

Just so I could be absolutely certain about her son before venturing an answer, I asked her if she could give a few examples. She kindly obliged.

“When he was in the first grade, he was sitting with a few of his friends, who were passing candy back and forth behind the teachers back. He said he didn’t want to, because it’s against the rules to eat in the classroom, but he had a fear of being labeled a ‘teacher’s pet’- so, against his better judgement- he joined in. The moment he took the candy into his hand, their teacher turned around. Of all of them, he was the only boy caught and given detention. 

“More recently, he was at the mall with one of his buddies. They were doing the typical young teenager thing- wandering aimlessly and checking out girls. He’s very open with me... Anyway, my son is shy so, although he likes to look at girls, he still hasn’t reached the level of social maturity to approach one. His friend, on the other hand, is a bit more eager, and he whistled at a group of young women. When they didn’t respond, he became upset, and yelled some disturbing comments. Of course, when the girls had had enough, they turned around and saw only my son. His friend ran into a store to hide. It was devastating for him; he took the shame, yet his only ‘crime’ was the crime of keeping bad company.

“You know, when he first told me he gets this thing called ‘instant karma’ I thought it was all in his head, but his list of examples goes on and on. What should I tell him?”

I started by explaining to her exactly what karma is by quoting Swamiji. “My guru, enlightened master and Avatar Paramahamsa Nithyananda, says Karma is an Action.” In Sanskrit, the word ‘karma’ doesn’t mean reward or punishment, but simply, action. Now, every action inherently comes with a cause and an effect. As an example, one might choose to buy a watch for a hundred dollars. The action is the transaction of giving one hundred dollars to a shop keeper, who in turn gives the watch. As a result of that action, you have a watch, but a hundred dollars less in the bank. This result of the transaction can be called karma just as much as the transaction itself, and truly, both are one. Wanting the watch (cause) + paying a hundred dollars (action) + receiving the watch (effect) = Karma. With an example like this, it’s clear to see the karma happening, and the ‘karma’ is ‘instant.’ 

Now, it only gets complicated when we think of it in terms of mystical rewards and punishments based on actions weighed by scales of right and wrong. If you want the same watch but you don’t have money, you might steal it. Then, you gain a watch, and the shop owner loses a watch. In the first example, the transaction has no morality associated with it; there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong,’ however, in the case of theft, the shop owner does not agree to part with the watch. It’s then that the ‘cosmic hand’ can be felt. It’s not that you are punished for a crime; actually, it’s just that the result of the action is not complete, so existence completes it. You may have a lingering sense of guilt over taking the watch, or fear wearing the watch publicly in case the shop owner sees you with it; that guilt and fear would be your karma for the theft- a continuation of your action. The shop owner, when he finds the watch missing, might check the surveillance camera and have you arrested. This would also be your karma, another continuation of the action. The possible karmic results to an action not properly considered are endless.   

If we look at physics, we know that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. It’s common knowledge. When we know very well what the equal and opposite reaction to our action is going to be, we make informed, ‘good’ choices. When we don’t know what the equal and opposite reaction is going to be, we are gambling with our karma. 

All that aside, why is it that some people never seem to experience the equal but opposite reaction to their actions while others experience it instantly? 

For this, we need to look into Swamiji’s teachings one more time. It’s about prarabdha karma and agamya karma. Without an ounce of doubt, the moment my client told me that her son has instant karma, I knew he had come into life with a very pure prarabdha. (It helps that she had already told he is an Indigo.) The prarabdha karma is the karma someone brings into this lifetime to work out- the life experiences they choose to have, and the re-actions to past actions lived in other lifetimes they choose to face. If someone has had a vast number of other lifetimes, including a vast number of conflicts, confusions, likes and dislikes, lusts, greeds, and ambitions, they may come in with a large number of set characteristics to resolve and grow from. (Swamiji has spoken on this in detail, so it may be a re-cap for you.) The agamya karma is the additional karma built up once in body and living. These are the desires, conflicts, actions, etc, that were not a part of our prarabdha karma, but that life in our society has instilled in us as conditioning from birth. (Call it conditioned deviations from the prarabdha.) Any prarabdha karma which is not extolled in this life is carried forward to the next, and any agamya karma not completed is added to the sanchita karma- this is the sum total of all an individual’s karma from all lifetimes. The entirety of the sanchita karma must be lived through before moksha- liberation/enlightenment- can be reached. But only so much can be done in one lifetime, so, we pick up certain parts of our sanchita before taking a birth, and that’s called prarabdha. (I’m sure this is all beautifully and clearly illustrated somewhere in Living Enlightenment, with a diagram of a big pile of suitcases to represent the sanchita, and one suitcase from that pile as the prarabdha. We can add to that illustration a bag of useless, unhealthy crap bought at the Duty Free shop as the agamya... If an individual takes a suitcase from the sanchita pile and completes all the incomplete karmas in a lifetime, through spiritual practice and surrender, then his pile becomes smaller. If he picks up more karma in the lifetime, through laziness, greed, and ‘crime,’ it becomes bigger, and he has to come back into life again and again to work through all of it.) 

Anyhow, back to the point: why do Indigo Kids, Crystal Kids, Rainbow Kids, Starseeds and ‘Lightworkers’ experience instant karma? I’m sure you already know the answer to that if you read the above paragraph. The answer is this: Because they do not have the same overwhelming pile of prarabdha and sanchita karma to work through that is prevalent in society! Some of them have taken conscious birth with no karmic kinks to work out at all- just a ‘mission’ to do the best they can do to experience life in this third dimensional plane, become enlightened, then help others do the same. It’s exactly because of this that the moment they act, they experience a coming together of the cause and effect to their action. Instant karma. It’s the best kind of karma we can have, because it means we are not storing up unknown (and unwanted) repercussions to deal with in the future.

Example: the little boy didn’t want to be teased (cause) + so he decided to go against his better judgement and sneak candy behind his teacher’s back (action) + he was caught instantly by the teacher and given detention (effect) = Karma! It’s not that getting caught by the teacher was his karma, or the detention; no- the entire three step process was complete karma! Cause + Action + Effect = Karma. Wanting a watch [cause] + Paying money for it [action] + Having a watch but being $100 poorer [effect] = Karma, or ‘complete karmic cycle.’ Neither of these examples will have a balance that carries forward.

Now, let’s look at the little boy’s friends. Some kids peer pressure him into sneaking candy- they don’t get caught, but their friend does. Perhaps they will build up a feeling of guilt and shame around the incident, and even if they forget why, an engraved memory will be there that could cause a future distaste for candy. Or, they could start to feel like they can get away with anything since they were not caught once, and go on doing worse and worse things until finally one day the punishment is explosive. And the boy who whistled and called out obscenities to the girls at the mall: he had no intention of speaking kindly and kindling a friendship with any of them from the beginning, so most likely, his juvenile reaction to the female form is already the continuation of a past karma. Not being reprimanded for his inappropriate and rude behavior fuels his fire, and also fuels his attention need (remember, he got mad when they didn’t turn to his whistle) and the karma piles up higher and higher. This can lead to a life-long struggle with sexuality, and a frustration regarding communication. Maybe in this life, or maybe in a future lifetime, he will have to resolve the conflict he has with women. Our Indigo boy, on the other hand, who was troubled by the experience of instant karma, doesn’t have to worry about his actions “catching up with him” at some unforetold date- his detention completes the candy incident; the dirty look from the girls will prevent him from even considering rude calls in the future. (And also, it will cause him to reconsider the company he keeps...)

A lot of individuals who experience this ‘instant karma’ phenomenon come to me with lamentations that Existence is out to get them, and they know it because they can’t step out of line even one. But really, I say to them it’s a huge blessing! If you experience Instant Karma, it means that you have a short road to travel to liberation; you’re not weighed down by your past lives! Either you’ve worked them out already during intense spiritual practice in former births, or you’ve chosen to take a conscious birth to help elevate the frequency of humanity. Either way, Existence is neither punishing nor rewarding you with Instant Karma, simply, you have no major effects of past actions coming your way, so even little things become a priority for resolution, and you are kept in balance. If you are one of the lucky ones who experiences instant karma, pay attention to all your positive actions, too- see how quickly “cause + action + effect = Reward” when you’re doing exactly the right thing at the right time! (That’s the real ‘Secret’ of true ‘Manifestation.’) Enjoy! 

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You don’t experience Instant Karma, and are concerned about the heaviness of your prarabdha load? Only one thing you can do about it- Inner Awakening. Surrender to a fully Enlightened Master who has awakened all 12 strands of DNA, and allow Him to burn it. That burning happens in the ashram, which is an intense energy field, that takes care of all your unfinished business. Then, you’ll see, the Instant Karma starts happening. That’s why the 21 day program sets you up for life- because afterwards, for one thing, the clarity you receive prevents poorly planned actions, and if you do deviate and act badly, the karma is instant, and will not be carried forward as a forced future life balance. Assuming, of course, you follow the program intensely. One other small note- Why does Swamiji always tell us, “Less thought more action is Living Enlightenment”? Because, when we act without calculating our actions, there is no cause- there can’t be an effect without a cause, so immediately, all actions are free of ‘karma.’ This works only if we practice ‘less thought more action’ while always acting from intuition, and in the best way we know to act.

Babaji is the only Father I have ever known, and this is the story of how He led me to Nithyananda.

COMING AGAIN SOON...

(Revisiting and rewriting this blog as per updated information.)

All about Tarot.

“What is tarot, how did you get into it, and how does it work?”

These are all questions I'm asked on a daily basis. Although this blog was originally intended to be exclusively about my experiences with Swamiji, I feel that all aspects of ‘me’ are related to Him, because I am His, so here goes...

Let's start with the basic question- What is Tarot? 

In a nutshell, The Tarot is a deck of symbolic cards that are used intuitively to answer questions and better understand life. Some people use them to predict the future, some to understand themselves psychologically, and some rare readers use tarot to awaken higher understanding and determine the best way to live now. 

The traditional tarot deck contains 78 cards, each with a name, number and illustration. It is divided unequally into two parts: the Major Arcana, with 22 cards, and the Minor Arcana, with 56.


The 22 cards of the Major Arcana are mystical and archetypal. They represent the various roles we play in life. (Examples of Major Arcana cards are The Lovers, Death, The High Priestess...) When these cards come up in a reading, they represent major realizations, points of transformation, and significant events- physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. 


The 56 cards of the Minor Arcana have general meanings that help to illustrate the archetypes of the Major Arcana. 


The Minor Arcana is divided into four suits, and within the four suits, the cards are numbered like playing cards- one through ten, followed by court cards, which differ from deck to deck. (Examples of Minor Arcana cards are the Three of Swords, which demonstrates heartbreak and sorrow; the Seven of Cups, which signifies indecision; the One of Pentacles- a financial opportunity, the Queen of Cups- an expression of wisdom, etc. 


To sum it up, the Major Arcana cards indicate key lessons in life, the Minor Arcana cards illustrate the variables within these lessons. When a person has a reading containing more Major than Minor Arcana cards, you can be sure they are going through a major life change! Discovering their spiritual path, moving to a new environment, taking a vow or experiencing a breakthrough; when the spread contains all Minor Arcana cards, the reading has a more 'typical' tone- the questions are to do with finances, relationships, career, physical health, etc. 

Each card has a general meaning, but that meaning differs depending on the question asked, the placement of other cards around it, whether it’s right side up or upside down, etc. In that sense, each card has multiple (infinite) meanings. 


As well as the variables inherent in the cards themselves, each Tarot reader will have a different style, which is of utmost importance to the accuracy of the reading. One reader, for example, may have studied metaphysics for years, and be very knowledgeable about the history and tradition of Tarot, and may have the esoteric definitions of each card memorized, but still, his readings will fall short of spectacular, if he has not awakened his intuition. Similarly, another reader may be completely new to the cards, have no background knowledge, no memorized meanings, but may give a perfectly clear and accurate reading by intuitively tuning in to the message expressed in the cards. The ideal reader has the best of both- knowledge of the cards and their history, and awakened intuition. 


(And, it's my bias to believe the ideal reader should also take a vow of honesty, such that even if the message contained in the cards serves as an ego-blow to the client, the message is delivered, because the message is not the choice of either the client or the reader, but of the cosmic energy which the reader is in tune with while intuiting the message. Also, a good reader puts their head on the line during a reading. There should be no reliance on the body language or confirming feedback of the client to determine whether the messages delivered are 'hit' or 'miss.' There should be no fear of inaccuracy when intuition is being used! With this in mind, the only truly perfected readers are the readers who seek perfection not in their memorization of facts or even delivery of messages, but in their surrender to the Source from which the messages come- Existence, God, Angels, Spirit Guides, the Higher Self- whatever word you put to it, the reader must know that he or she is not the one from whom the message comes, but merely the vehicle through which the message is expressed. In my work, I keep a picture of my gurudeva, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, behind my desk, and every day, bow before it, and pray that He keeps me in check throughout the reading, with assurance that any messages I give to my clients come only from sattya, truth, and that they serve the client's highest good.)

Now- How did I get into it?

At seventeen, while working at a store that sold the cards, so many customers asked me whether or not they work, that I decided to buy a deck and find out. Initially, I approached Tarot very skeptically. I thought probably the cards could each relate to any given person or situation, because their meanings would be vague. I thought, like fortune cookies, or glossy magazine horoscopes, the Tarot would be a fun pseudo-spiritual passtime, but nothing more than that. 


The first reading I gave myself, though, left me totally shaken! Truly, every single card made complete sense; even the order the cards fell in was perfect. None of their meanings were general- all were specific, and beyond that, answered my specific question. Right then and there, I read the meaning of every single card in the deck, just to make sure there weren’t any ‘better’ cards for me than the ones that came. As it turned out, there were not. Even still, by nature I never completely believe in something after just one experiment, so I did another reading for myself a week later. Once again, every single card was spot-on accurate. 


Tarot then became a go-to source of inspiration and guidance for me whenever I had some issue I was dealing with, or a question... whenever I wanted some clarity. For years, I kept it as a secret practice. The readings were a meditative process for me; a way I could connect with higher understanding. I didn’t want to tell my friends or family about it, and potentially face ridicule. 

That secrecy came to an end one day in early 2008. I was shopping in a discount store called Lely's Books in Kingsgate Mall, Vancouver, buying (of all things) a used copy of Lilo and Stitch, when the shop owner came to me and said, "Would you like to come in to teach our customers about Tarot?" (Yeah, out of the blue- just like that!) 


I asked her why she was asking me, since nothing of my appearance would have hinted at this spiritual practice.

She was just as surprised by her request as I was, and said that she hadn't planned to ask me- the words just came out of her mouth.

It turns out, she and her husband had decided that week to introduce a line of spiritual merchandise to their store, including Tarot and Oracle cards, and they did, in fact, want someone to come in to introduce the new products.

About two weeks later, we started to offer Tarot classes, right there in her store. After the first class, she and her husband approached me with some curiosity, and asked for a demonstration. I told them both that I had never read the cards for anybody but myself, but they reassured me that they were merely curious to see how a reading is done. My trepidation melted away, and I decided- experimentally, just as my first reading for myself had been- to give them a reading.


Nitin decided he would have his cards read, and Varsha, his wife, would sit with us and watch, as a third-party observer, to check for accuracy. What happened in that reading was beyond all three of our understanding. When the cards were laid on the table, somehow, Nitin's life story came into my mind. Not in details like, "Your parents are named _______ and ________, you were born in _______, and moved to Canada in _________." The messages were not physically specific, but emotionally and spiritually specific. 


Without knowing anything of his background, this man's inner desires, goals, and personal creative yearnings were laid bare before my inner space. I started to talk about painting, and how important it is for him to express himself through visual art. His arms were folded, and he gave no sign to me as to whether or not this was accurate, so I kept going, interpreting the cards. They spoke of his past, his present, and his future- where he's been, where he is now, and what he strives to do. After about half an hour of me talking whatever came into my head, without any confirmation or confusion expressed by him, I finally threw up my hands, and said, "Well? Did any of that ring true to you?"


He and Varsha looked at each other, then at me, and both nodded their heads in stunned agreement. He told me that just a week before, they had received some art books in the store, and he had told his wife how much he missed painting. When he was  young man in India, he had loved to paint, but since moving to Canada and becoming a business man, he had neglected his creative yearnings completely in favor of raising his boys and providing well for them. All of this was explained in the reading, along with how he felt within himself throughout all of his life's transitions. 


The following week, some of the students who took the tarot class listened to his account of the reading, and each of them wanted to have demonstrations of their own. I gave them all readings in front of each other, and the same thing that had happened with Nitin happened with each one of them. None asked questions, so my readings were 'blind.' One girl had cards come up dealing with heartbreak and the necessity to be on her own. I said, "Now, it seems life is going in an unwanted direction, but since the card of unknown possibilities is here, the decision you just made is a good one, and will lead you to more than what you can now imagine." She told me in amazement that just that morning, she had ended a two year relationship because she could tell the man she was with was holding her back from her personal path. To a man who joined the class late, the cards of magic and introversion came up, followed by a card of incompletion. I said to him, "You have already discovered innumerable abilities on your own, and since these are enjoyable and life-affirming, you play with them a lot. However, there's still a lot more available for you to learn if you can open your mind to the possibility that you haven't yet learned everything." He told me, he had no intention to take this class, because- as the cards said- he thought he had already mastered all the magic he needed to know about. He was going for a walk through the mall, and somehow, without knowing why, his feet turned and carried him into the book store. When he saw what was going on, he was inexplicably drawn to sit down and join us, and even though he missed the beginning, said that the half-hour he listened to about Oracle cards had taught him a lot of things he didn't know before. Before his cards were drawn, he was contemplating on how much there was out there for him yet to discover, even though he had thought he knew everything he needed to know before.


What I learned from this experience was that the cards that came up for each individual there were accurate, and also reflected the main thoughts going on in their minds, and events going on in their lives, at the time the cards were drawn. 

The people who took that class became my original client list. Nitin and Varsha kindly offered me the back room of their bookstore to give my readings, and for the next year, I met with these clients every now and then either there, or in coffee shops. I felt incredibly blessed to have this intuitive gift, and started to wish and wonder about eventually making these intuitive readings my 'day job.'

That inner yearning manifested into reality for me in the summer of 2009. My mom was in the mountain town of Waterton Lake, Alberta, with my aunt, and something amazing happened. 


A lady approached her in one of the town's many gift shops, and enquired about me. 


"You were here last year with a very spiritual young woman... your daughter?"


My mom and I had, in fact, been there the year before, and I had spoken with this lady for a couple of minutes. She recognized something in me, and asked me how it was possible that I carried such a spiritual aura. (She was clairvoyant, meaning, she can see the subtle energy field called an aura that surrounds the human form.) I told her that for my entire life, I had yearned to know God, and that I had meditated since my earliest of childhood memories. She shared some of her own stories. Although we spoke for a very brief time, there was an instant bond between the two of us, and we hugged in parting. 


My mom was shocked that this lady (a beautiful Indian woman named Mariam) remembered me a whole year after such a brief encounter, and even more amazed that she recognized my mom, even though the two of them had only exchanged smiles, and not introductions. 


Anyhow, they talked, and a message was conveyed: Mariam knew a Tarot reader in Vancouver, and suggested that I go see her. (Mariam also wrote a small note for me, and said to my mom, "Give this to your daughter when you feel it's the right time to give it.")

That night, my mom called to tell me excitedly about Mariam and her message, which I was very excited to hear! I was just starting to realize that I could be doing much more with my life than work retail, and had recently considered pursuing an apprenticeship from a local professional. 

The next day, as I was telling a co-worker about this message from Mariam, I looked out the window of the shop and saw Denise, the owner of a Tarot shop around the corner from us, affixing a poster on our bulletin board. I ran outside to catch her, and excitedly asked if she knew an east-Indian lady from Waterton Lake named Mariam. 

She said “No, I don’t anyone named Mariam. But tell me something- do you read Tarot cards?” 

I said, “Yes, I do! And actually, I was hoping to ask you for an apprenticeship.” 

Her reply will be a source of awe and gratitude in me for the rest of this life. She said, “You don’t need an apprenticeship. Come see me on your next break- I’ll give you a key to my shop, we’ll work out a schedule, and if you'd like to, you can start work on Monday.”

Amazed, I asked how she knew I would be any good. (Remember- she offered me this job with no references, no test, no resume!) She told me that recently, she had had my image come up in a dream, and since she herself is psychic, she just knew it would be the right thing to give me a job. 


(I am filled with infinite gratitude to Varsha and Nitin, for opening their store to me, and helping me to build confidence as a reader. Infinite gratitude pours out to all of my clients- early and contemporary- for trusting me to bring clarity to their lives. Infinite gratitude to Mariam- and my mom!- for giving me the message to talk to a Vancouver Tarot reader, and infinite gratitude to Denise! Her gift is very pure, and she has had a regular following for more than twenty five years. It's an honour and a blessing to work in her studio. An interesting side-note: the slip of paper Mariam gave to my mom with instruction to give to me when the time was right arrived in my mail box the night after I found Life Bliss Tree in Vancouver. It was the first time I had ever heard the name of Nithyananda, and I went home buzzing with spiritual ecstasy and excitement, wondering if it would be in my path to go to the Ashram. Amazingly, I opened a letter from my mom, and in it, she said- "I found this note in my purse, and thought- now must be the right time to give it to you." It was a tiny handwritten note that simply said, "Sarah- Great things are coming your way! You will be going to India soon!" Mariam's prediction came true, of course. Less than two months later, I was in Bidadi, Karnata, India, enjoying the Life Bliss Engineering program conducted by living avatar Paramahamsa Nithyananda.)

Now, the third question- how does it work?

First, let me re-explain the way the deck has been designed: Every single experience a human being can have in a lifetime is represented somewhere within the symbology of the 78 cards. Actually, the 78 cards are really 156, because they can appear right-side-up or upside-down, in which case, they register as reverse (or sometimes, emphasized) meanings.

So, how is it that these cards can be shuffled, laid out, and somehow give exactly the message my client most needs to hear? 


The science behind it is very similar to the science of any other system of divination- whether it's rune casting, I-Ching, palmistry, astrology, etc. For an accurate reading, a combination of three essential ingredients is needed: 

First, the right deck. Only with the right cards, can the right answer be put into the right words with the right pictures. (This is why, even though there are hundreds of decks on the market, I only use the Osho Zen Tarot. It has 79 cards, not 78. The 79th card is called, "The Master." It goes beyond the traditional 22 cards of the Major Arcana, and represents the state of Enlightenment, which has risen above the traditional archetypes that the average human ego experiences in life. Also, the rest of the cards each contain an element of the transcendental- their meanings allow us to go deeply into ourselves to rise beyond our circumstance, instead of just simply to understand the circumstance.)

Second, the right client. The person asking the question has to be open and clear about what they ask, or else at least, open and clear that they are not asking anything. This openness and clarity need not be spoken aloud; by 'open and clear,' I mean, the client has to have what Swamiji calls Vitarka. If they are experimental and open to the possibility of a genuine experience from the reading, they get it. It's not necessary for the client to 'believe' in the cards; but it is necessary for him or her to be willing to try it out and see. 


The client always shuffles the cards him or herself, so it's important for them to hold the intention of their question while shuffling. This is a bit mystical, but see- as the cards are shuffled, if the person shuffling is totally clear, then they are also totally, singularly centered on the process that is taking place. They are in the moment. Only then can existence come in and work through their hands to organize the cards in the right combination. I watch my clients shuffle, and I know for a fact that their focus has a direct result on the accuracy of the reading. For this reason, I ask them to repeat their question, either out aloud or in their mind, while they are shuffling. That way, while shuffling, no other thought can come in as a distraction and alter the results. (It's the same reason a master will prescribe the chanting of a mantra to a disciple- while a mantra is being chanted intensely, there is no room for any other thought. Same way, while a question is being focused on, there is no room for a, "and I also want to know..." that may muddy the message.) 

If ever a client asks a question and the message I get is different from the message I see in the cards, I ask if they were completely focused on the question while shuffling. Always in this case, they say “no.” So, I ask them to shuffle again, maintaining complete focus on the question. If they don’t know how to do that, I say, “just start talking about your question while shuffling, and when you’re finished saying what you have to say, stop shuffling.” Then, we set down the cards. After doing this, the messages line up.

(As an interesting side note- I ask the client to shuffle and select their own cards as a way of affirming that the message is not coming from me, but through me, from their own higher guidance. But when I do a long-distance reading, I myself hold the focus of the client’s question, shuffle, and select. The last time I did this, the client wrote to me and asked, “How is it possible that when you select my cards, they fit even more perfectly then when I pick them myself?” I would say, it’s because of this- when I hold the thought of the question, it is the only thought in my mind. This client in particular has recent given me an incredible experience. He wrote me an email about a dream, and asked if I could help him interpret it. At the time that I received the email, I was away from my shop, and didn't have any cards on hand. As I started to type 'let me get back to you...' instantly, I had three cards appear in my inner vision! I wrote to him saying, this is a first for me, but I'm having a vision of some cards- lets see how they relate to your dream. Part of the message from these cards was that the dream was no ordinary dream, but a visionary dream given to him by Swamiji. I went on to describe what the dream meant, and he wrote back in amazement, that he hadn't told me everything in his email. In fact, the dream began with a darshan from Swamiji, in which, Swamiji told him exactly the same message I wrote as the meaning of these cards. It seems that since his Vitarka for Swamiji, and also for these readings, is so high- I don't even need a deck to do them! Also, this was a huge and happy confirmation for me that when I surrender my ability to read to the Master, He really does take care!)

Third thing, of course, is the right reader. The person conducting the reading should know the cards completely- all the symbols, pictures and all the stories. The right reader knows how each card is affected by each other card, and how it’s meaning differs by where it lands on the table. The right reader also must know how their meanings change depending on the orientation- right side up or upside down. Beyond that, it is essential for the reader to have intuition; in fact, only with intuition can the infinite and complex combination of meanings be fully understood. 

Along with intuition, the right reader has to be unbiased, and firmly committed to sattya- truth. 


Someone once asked me what I would do if I saw something really negative come up for a client- whether I would tell them the harsh truth, or make something up. Without a doubt, I will always tell my client exactly the message I get for them, simply because that message is not coming from the cards or from me, but from existence. Existence only gives me messages that I am supposed to tell. Luckily, the messages are never ‘negative,’ in that, even when someone is experiencing something like a loss or a fear, the message about it will always be something that helps them go beyond the loss or the fear.

Okay, I said that I would explain the process that happens in me as I read the cards, so before saying anything more about ‘getting messages,’ let me explain what messages are and how I get them. 


A 'message' is the juice of the reading, the content- if my client has a question, then the message is the answer to their question; if my client doesn’t have a question, then the message is the spiritual affirmation and guidance they seek. The cards are the language through which the messages are delivered. I don’t actually need the cards to get the message, but I do need them to determine the accuracy of the message, and also to translate the message into terms the client will understand. 


What I mean is, the moment someone asks me a 'yes or no' question, I know the answer, I feel 'yes' or 'no.' Then, when the cards are laid down, if the cards indicate a yes, I know I can go ahead and tell them everything that comes up in my mind along with the yes. It’s a validation for my accuracy, and for the client's centeredness. It’s also a jumping board for me to articulate the message- the reason why the answer is yes. 


So basically, the message flows into my consciousness as an understanding, not as words or pictures, and the words and pictures on the cards are the language through which the message can be expressed. 

Something interesting to note is that I won’t describe a card the same way twice. Although each card has a standardized meaning, the variables within that meaning are so different that every single time the card comes up, even if it comes up twice for the same person- it will have a different undertone. When I first started reading, I was actually surprised by the words that came out of my mouth- entire sentences, one after the other, that I hadn’t planned. Luckily, I allowed it to happen, rather than try to speak based on my limited mental understanding. This helps me to continuously evolve and learn more about the process of downloading, and also, it guarantees that even if the same person has multiple readings, it will always be something new. 

The very first client who came to me at the Tarot Room, for example, asked me what he should do about work. I led him through shuffling the cards, and told him to “hold this question in your mind as you shuffle.” Then, I looked at the cards, and as I described them, words started flowing that I didn’t understand: “You really need to let go of the past. Five years is too long to spend battling a case that hasn’t brought any resolution. The more you try to get back what you weren’t given, the more distance you put between yourself and what you could receive now. Just put an end to it. Let it go, and from today, work on something new, instead of dwelling on something you should have had, but didn’t get.” 

As I spoke, a wave of excitement filled me (something like butterflies-in-the-stomach; an energizing of the manipuraka chakra.) That was it, I didn’t stop talking, and I didn’t know what I was saying... I didn’t know whether it was right on or way off. Behind my flow of words, there was a small part of my ego wondering if he would laugh, because the things I was saying were so specific that they could be completely wrong. Then I saw that the man was crying. 

He explained to me that five years before, he was fired from a high corporate position without any explanation. At that time, he qualified for a raise and a promotion, but was having personality conflicts with the board of directors. He took matters to court as a wrongful dismissal suit, but by the strength of the law firm handling his ex-employer, no resolution was being reached. His health started to dwindle, he had become depressed and he was near the end of his savings. A week before this reading, he was offered a job from another company, which he knew he wouldn't have time to accept if he was kept in the courtroom and lawyers office every day. Just that morning, he had told his lawyer he felt like just dropping the case and starting again fresh. His lawyer didn’t have an answer for him, and suggested he seek counsel from an uninterested third party. So, as a whim, and by his wife's suggestion, he came to see me. Of course, his expectation from the reading wasn't much, he thought he'd get some cookie-cutter advice, like 'work hard, focus on your strength, you will achieve your goals...' He was ecstatic, instead, to hear a clear affirmation of his decision to re-enter the workforce. After giving him some tissue, I asked why he was crying, and he said he was crying because he felt bad for telling his wife that Tarot was a bunch of bullshit when she had urged him to get the reading! (He wasn’t the last man to cry over that... and very nicely, his wife was my second client at The Tarot Room. She, like many other validated wives, come in not just to have a reading, but also to thank me for ‘waking up’ her husband to the realization that there really is truth to mysticism.) 

Now, this taught me a few lessons. One- that a customer doesn’t have to believe in Tarot to get an accurate reading, but they do have to be clear about their question and focused while shuffling. Even though this man didn’t tell me anything about the court case, the message that came through was complete because he was completely focused on it. The cards, though they didn’t traditionally describe a court battle, provided me with the visual cues needed to explain the message, so that he could understand how I ‘knew’ what I ‘knew.’ 

Second, I learned to trust that whatever I say, so long as I don’t plan my speech, is truth. If I try to tell someone a message, it will be coloured by my perception; tainted by my personal opinion. But if a message comes to me and I tell it straight with reference to the cards, then it is accurate. 

Also, I learned that what I do directly influences the lives of the people who come to me. Because of a Tarot reading, a corporate man decided to drop a wrongful dismissal case and go into a new line of work. As a twenty-four year old girl whose professional life consisted of retail jobs and art school, there is no way I would qualify to counsel someone of his status on such a pivotal decision. But since I was not giving him my counsel, I was clear about just passing it on from a higher source, the guidance was exactly right. 

Occasionally, but very rarely, I will turn someone away. It’s happened three times: a person comes in, and the moment I see them, I know that the reading will have an adverse effect on their life. As a reader, this is the most delicate situation for me to handle, because feelings can easily be hurt. 


Once, a man walked in and sat down, but I had to tell him that I couldn’t give him a reading. Obviously, I couldn’t just say, “Sorry, no reading for you. Get out.” What I said was this: “I’m getting a message for you. Please, go home and meditate every day for two hours, starting today, then come back in one month for your reading.” He argued, of course, that he wanted his reading right then and there, but I stayed firm, and told him that until he does a month of daily meditation, he won’t be able to properly understand the message. He said, “But I don’t want to know anything complicated, I just want to know when my wife will come back to me.” 

Then I got his message- his wife was never coming back to him. I instantly knew that if he shuffled and laid down the cards, it would be a completely accurate spread, because his mind was singularly focused on the question- and what he would see would in the cards would be Sorrow, Letting Go and Clinging to the Past. I also knew that if he saw those cards, he would become suicidal. As this was revealed to me, tears started forming in his eyes. 


Without planning it, I said, “I love you, and I value your business, but at this point, the answer can’t be revealed through the cards. If you meditate or pray, and I highly suggest you do, I can give you an accurate reading one month from now.” I know he didn’t understand why I was telling him that, but none-the-less, he accepted my business card, on which I wrote the web address for Dhyanapeetam, telling him he could find meditation instructions and downloads there.


(Update: two months after writing this blog, the man came back! He was smiling, and his whole demeanor had changed. He asked, "Do you remember me?" I said, "Yes, I do! And I can see you've done your meditations!" He said, "Well... I tried to do two hours a day, like you told me to, but some nights I got distracted... but anyhow, after one month of meditating most nights, I felt like I didn't even want the reading any more. I was going to ask you about my marital future... Anyways, now I feel like whatever happens will be the right thing. So, now, instead of asking a question, can I have a reading focused more on my spiritual path?" His was one of my favorite readings to give, and really helped me to understand that even turning a customer away can be the best thing for them.)

This seems like more than enough for now- next time, I’ll bring it back to the main purpose of this blog, and tell the story of how cards led me to Mahavatar Babaji, who in turn, led me to Swamiji. 

Love to all of you who read this! 

Your sister in Nithyananda,

Sudevi

Arcturus, My Home Star of Enlightenment

This blog is quite personal to me. It tells the story of my Arcturian awakening.

If you are reading it now, which, obviously, you are- then you are meant to be reading it. And I mean this personally, not just collectively.

YOU are reading it, because YOU are meant to be reading it.

Along the path of my own spiritual journey, I came across a few key writings with similar introductions, and always thought, as you are now thinking, "Oh, yeah, sure. I'm meant to be reading this. Me and every other person who reads it..."

And that's true.

You, and every other person who happens to read this, are meant to read it. No more, and no less.

I hope you enjoy!

***

My awakening came one Saturday morning in 2008 as I was getting ready for work. At the time, I was like any other lost 23 year old girl. I had moved to Vancouver to go to art school, but found myself disillusioned there. Instead of completing my bachelor of fine arts degree, I quit school in order to find my true calling. I dabbled in jewellery design, acting and writing, but nothing I tried gave me the sense of satisfaction we all look for in life. So, to make ends meet, I had taken a job in high-end fashion retail. My living was earned by jumping through the hoops of high pressure sales, slinging merchandise I hadn't an ounce of respect for, dodging cat fights with coworkers, and counting down the seconds until the end of the day, every day. Work was not a passion of mine, but a four letter word.

As I said, my awakening came one Saturday morning as I was getting ready for work.

I was putting on my make-up, when out of nowhere a voice said to me, "Sarah, you are an Arcturian." 

The voice was point blank, matter of fact. This was not the 'inner voice' that psychologists speak of, and it was not the 'booming celestial voice' so often described by mystics. It was just a voice, like any other. Neither high pitched nor low, without any perceivable accent. 

"What did you just call me?"

I figured my boyfriend, sleeping off a hangover from the night before, must have woken up and called me this strange name. Probably some kind of slang I hadn’t heard before, common at the dub step parties I had long since stopped attending.

When he didn't answer, I raised my voice and asked him again.

"Answer me, Star! What did you just call me?!" 

"Huh? Wha..." He grumbled, the way people do when you rudely interrupt their pleasantly undisturbed dreams. "I didn't call you anything, Sarah! Fuck... don't pick a fight so early in the morning..."

"You mean, you didn't just say, 'Sarah, you are an Arcturian'?"

"What? No! What's that?"

I was dumbfounded.

"I don't know..."

This was odd. For a moment, I considered that maybe I had overheard one of our neighbors. I dropped that explanation, though, when I remembered that the people occupying every other apartment on our floor were Chinese- the kind of Chinese who would say, "good day" to their neighbors in the elevator, but who never spoke English in the comfort of their own homes. I was quite sure none of them were called Sarah. 

When that dreaded time, I left for work. I was mildly curious about the voice, but given the nature of my dire occupational circumstances, I was more focused on getting through another day, than on finding out what Arcturian means.

That morning, work was more stressful than usual. The new store manager had given me a pseudo-promotion. She had invented for me a position called Floor Supervisor, which was really just a glorified name for "the one to bitch about each other to so that the real manager doesn't have to deal with your trivial bickering." There was no raise involved, just some added juice for my resume, and the questionable respect of my co-workers. As the youngest on a staff of mostly 40+ career saleswomen, you can imagine how much they appreciated having a 23 year old to answer to! 

"Just between us," said the manager, as she bestowed the new title upon me, "you're the most mature salesgirl we have here. I think if you give the others a few pep-talks, and set a good example with the chore list, you should be able to clean up the drama in no time!" 

"No, Liza, really-" I protested, "I'm flattered by the confidence you have in me, but I really don't think I have the experience necessary for this."

(What I wanted to say was this- "There's no way I can babysit these whiny women! They don't respect me. They think I'm a push-over… The only reason I don't get into fights like the rest of them, is that I've given up! When they steal my commissions and then deny it, I just let them because that's easier than fighting! Now, you want me to whip them into shape?" But, alas, I didn't want to speak up and risk losing the job, which was, though not my passion, a guaranteed paycheck.)

Besides the winning of an unwanted promotion, my day was a day like any other. Customers demanded attention, clothes required steaming, shelves needed dusting. My co-workers, in response to my new title, started to blatantly sugar-coat all of their interactions with me in a juvenile attempt at being thought of as 'the good one' the next time a fight broke out between them. (A classic case of sucking up, which children- even middle-aged children- do, when they know another child is preparing to tattle.)

By mid-afternoon, the toils of the day had all but erased my memory of the early-morning clairaudient episode. (As ‘clairvoyance’ means seeing beyond the physical, ‘clairaudient’ means hearing beyond the physical- think, Joan of Arc, or psychics who say, 'I'm hearing a message for you...') How quickly we forget about mystical things when we're caught up in the laborious process of mundane life. 

Anyhow, the mysterious voice of the morning suddenly came back to me as I was processing a sale. 

Something very strange happened: time stood still and everything around me froze. 

Yes, time stood still, and everything around me froze. 

The customer whose goods were being scanned stopped talking mid-word. The clock on the till stopped ticking. The cd skipped. (I wondered, before the magnitude of this odd situation sunk in, how, exactly, a cd could skip...) I looked around the store and the saw the bodies of my co-workers all awkwardly still; some mid-stride, some with their mouths open indicating that they were in the middle of saying something. They were awkward looking, like when you’re about to sneeze, and your face momentarily takes on a slack-jawed, unblinking gaze in anticipation of the explosive, ‘ahhh-choo!’ Only, none of them were about to sneeze.

It was as if, in the middle of the work day, a spontaneous playground game had erupted in the store, and the leader had just yelled, "Freeze!"

A buzzing sound filtered into my ears, but it wasn't coming from outside of me. It was like my ears were buzzing into themselves. Then, the ambiguous voice that had spoken to me in the morning, spoke to me again. This time, it spoke very clearly, emphasizing, with deliberately calm timbre, the importance of it's message. 

"Sarah, YOU are an ARC-TOO-REE-AN." 

(Although I understood that something very mystical was happening, I laughed at this annunciation; it's like the mystery voice had taken on the persona of a frustrated teacher speaking to a slow student in an English as a Second Language class, trying to make a break-through by saying, "You live in Ca-Na-Da. Can you say CA-NA-DA?") 

I replied aloud, "Thank you. I heard you," and quickly wrote the word Arcturian on a post-it note. 

Once I underlined the word three times, scribbled 'Google' next to it, and put the paper in my pocket, the world around me turned back ‘on’ again. The customer finished her sentence, the clock continued to tick, the bodies came back to life, and the cd resumed its smooth play.

"It's as if my work, the store, and everything else, is a mere television recording... and someone holding the remote just clicked 'pause' to tell me something important. Only after I confirmed that I understood this important message, the holder of the cosmic remote clicked 'play' to resume the show..." I thought. 

"Long day?" the customer asked, and broke my reverie. 

"Yes," I said, dazedly, "sorry, my mind must have drifted off..." 

***

The moment I got home, before even closing the door of the apartment, I ran to the computer to search the word Arcturian on Google. 

That night was a turning point in my life. That was the first time, in twenty three years of life on planet Earth, I had a clear understanding of reality. Everything I had ever suspected about the nature of existence, God,  humanity, and my own identity, was confirmed by information that came up in the search for that one glorious word- Arcturian. 

I haven't been able to look at my life the same way since. 

The web sites the search engine generated were all about extraterrestrial life, sacred geometry, galactic federations, a mission to enlighten humanity, and "starseeds." (Starseed is the name given to people who are incarnated on Earth, yet their souls originate in other star systems. Technically, we are all starseeds, and so, the word is primarily used to describe people who not only originate in another star system, but also, whose most recent previous incarnations took place in another star system.)

I felt like a character in a science fiction story. Just the day before, if someone had asked me what an Arcturian was, I wouldn't have had the vaguest idea. My pursuits in life had been along the lines of art, fashion and music- not even close to new age spirituality. I had had no exposure at all to the idea of starseeds or galactic families of light. Yet suddenly, literally overnight, I knew from the core of my being that such things as starseeds and interstellar missions to awaken humanity are real, and beyond that, that I, myself, am a part of the mission.

***

There had been once- just once!- that this sort of a concept had been mentioned to me before. Of course, at that time, I thought it was a mere eccentric exaggeration on the part of the wise one who had mentioned it to me. It was my first week living in Vancouver, and a tarot card reader on Granville Island had just given me a very odd reading. Although I had moved to Vancouver to go to the Emily Carr Institute of Art, this reader told me that I had come to the city to discover my spiritual path. When I asked her to elaborate, her exact words were, "Five years from now, you will have found your calling, and you will be doing the same kind of work that I do." (But that's another story...)

At the end of the reading, she suggested that I go buy myself a stone from The Crystal Arc, as a talisman for my imminent awakening. I've always loved crystals- my mom can confirm that I spent many a happy summer day sitting in the back yard, looking for shiny stones. I had never before thought of them as tools for awakening, though. Oh, the lessons yet to be learned!

The girl working at the crystal store had an immediate reaction to me. She said that my aura was like nothing she had ever seen before. (She can see auras! I thought. Granville Island is such a magical place!) I asked her what it's like to see auras, and she told me to think back to being a little girl. As she said it, I was flooded with memories of mystical lights. From my earliest of days, through most of my childhood, I had seen multicoloured, self-effulgent, moving wisps of light occupying the space around me. (The closest physical approximation to these lights would be the aurora borealis, only I saw them all the time- in daylight and at night- wherever I went.) When I described these to the crystal girl, she said that auras are a lot like those colourful lights, only instead of floating around on their own, they surround people's bodies. 

"What you were seeing," she told me, in the nonchalant tone in which most of us discuss a newspaper or the auto-repair shop; that comfortable, breezy voice used for everyday topics of discussion, "were the light bodies of your angels, spirit guides, and interdimensional families. You knew that, right?"

I didn't.

"Wow- well, I'm honored to be the first one to tell you this: you're an intergalactic warrior princess, here to help enlighten the world!"

***

One website had a check-list of qualities that could be used to determine whether or not someone is an Arcturian starseed. I went through the entire check list, and every single item matched: 'A childhood ability to see light bodies', check. 'Early conversion to a vegetarian diet,' check. 'Vivid dreams of existing as a light form rather than a solid body,' check. 'Find comfort in solitude, often to the extent of being labeled a loner or social misfit,' check. 'Desire to break away from socially imposed belief systems, like religion and family politics,' check. 'Constant feeling that this world cannot possibly be all there is to reality, along with an indescribable goal to lead others to the higher possibilities,' check mate. 

As I completed the test, (which seemed to have been written in jest, and yet fit my most private beliefs to an eerie T) I was so grateful that I had never heard of any of this before that day. If I had somehow just stumbled upon the web site without first having heard the voice, I would surely have gone through the check-list and thought, wow, maybe I'm an Arcturian.  However, since first a mystical voice had called me an Arcturian, and then I found the uncanny list, I knew it was a complete confirmation of my truth. 

After digesting the fact that my soul's origin is a star called Arcturus, found in the Bootes constellation, I remembered something that I had written many, many years before, and ran to my stash of childhood diaries. I had kept a spiritual journal since the age of 12, when I had started to have mystical visions and lucid dreams. In one of my first entries, I had written: 

“Sometimes I dream that this world isn’t real. That I was sent down here.. as some kind of experiment, or as a cruel test. In the real world, all are poets, all are philosophers, all are artists. Everyone lives for their own inspiration, seeking higher awareness. Nobody is treated badly, animals are not slaughtered for food. Sometimes I dream that I came down into this world, this fake, terrible place, to see whether or not I’d be able to remember that my true home is a better place. In this fantasy, I will one day realize myself, and when I do, those who sent me here will come find me again, and see what I’ve done. They’ll ask themselves- did she fall into the illusion, or did she know all along? Did she take part, and add to the suffering of those on the planet around her, or did she work to liberate them from their suffering? Sometimes I dream that when they come back for me, they will find me surrounded by my paintings and drawings and liberated friends, and by then, I’ll be laughing, knowing their experiment was a success. But always, always I wake up from this dream. I go back to school, where we are forced to live for the curriculum in spite of our boredom. I see the blank unthinking faces of classmates who take the world as true only because they don't see an alternative. They shun me because I am not like them, and neither of us knows that really, truly, I am not in any way. Every day I face the harsh reality of this world, and curse myself for dreaming such a beautiful dream that doesn't come true.”

For at least a half hour, I sat on the floor with my old diary, 23, awed by my 13 year old clarity, still amazed and confused by my Arcturian awakening. I could vividly recall writing every word of those childhood prose, as I can still remember it now. At the time, I had used the word 'dream' out of necessity, simply because there is no word for, 'indescribable inner knowing without precedent or proof.' Actually, all my life I had known that there exists somewhere an idyllic, utopian civilization inhabited by beings of immense love and light- angelic entities unlike anything or anyone we encounter on Earth. Throughout my life, I have gone to that superb place in dreams, and have had moments of clear memory- flashes at odd times that would remind me of the illusory nature of a screaming teacher and rialed up students, the innate unreality of fear, and the transience of what we think of as our fixed identities- memories of beauty juxtaposed and contrasted against the dysfunction that passes for normalcy and on Earth.

When I finally went to bed that night, I was buzzing. I felt more alive than I had felt in years. I had sent emails to every web master of every web site I had visited. I had scrolled through pages of sacred geometry after doing an image search for crop circles, which many of the starseed websites said are manifested through Arcturian energy. I had always thought crop circles looked a lot like the recurring symbols in my abstract drawings, but somehow, until that night, I hadn't put much thought into the similarity. Yet now, the similarity was one more undeniable bit of evidence confirming my origin. I held my sketchbook against the computer screen, and excitedly found parallel after parallel between my drawings and crop circles- some, with matching dates. I read through all of my old note books, and stuck tape markers onto every page related to stars, higher dimensions, and enlightenment. Even at four in the morning, when I finally went to bed, (thankful, for the first time, that my boyfriend was out partying all night,) I still couldn't sleep. 

How could they just tell me I'm an Arcturian, and not tell me what to do with myself? I wondered. 

"Come on," I said aloud, willing the voice to come back, "tell me more! I believe you, I'm an Arcturian. But now what? Why am I here? Why did I come to this dump of a planet? Am I being punished? Am I being tested? I can't really be here to help enlighten the world while working at a clothing store, living with an abusive boyfriend, and stuck in student loan debt..." 

After pondering this for a while, I became anxious. The voice wasn't answering me.

"Oh my God- I really can't enlighten the world by doing what I've been doing! I'm a failure! I failed the test! I was sent into this world straight from the paradise of the crystalline blue Arcturus, and then I forgot myself! I'm just as lost, depressed, frustrated and bored as the rest of the population down here! And I'm expected to help?!" I was incredulous.

Still, there was no answer.

"Arcturian family, please," I begged, assuming that the voice that had spoken earlier was, of course, the voice of one or some other Arcturians, "forgive me for being such a total and complete failure in this life. Up till now, I've made mistake after mistake. But now, let me get enlightened, let me straighten out the mess I've made of my life, and then please, help me help others do the same."

For the rest of that night, I sat cross-legged with my hands in chin mudra, and tried, in vain, not to let any thoughts come up, lest they interfere with another Arcturian communication.

Eventually, of course, my boyfriend came home. He had always been very strange about my meditating- every once in a while, the urge would hit, and I would stop whatever I was doing to sit, place my hands in chin mudra, control my breathing and watch my eyelids. Though he generally thought that everything I did was stupid, (and I know this because he told me so,) he had a great respect- reverence, even- for my meditations. ("Sarah," he had told me once, "any time you need to meditate, let me know. I'll turn off my music, stay out of your way, and keep my mind calm to help you connect.") Since he saw that I sat in meditation, he undressed and came to bed very quietly, without turning on any lights. When I heard he was asleep, I finally lay back, sighed, and allowed myself to slip into dream.

The next morning, the phone rang and woke me up with a start. It seemed I had only just fallen asleep... It was my day off, and I couldn't fathom who might call so early on a Sunday morning. Only because I thought it might be my mom, I answered it.

The caller turned out to be my boss, the manager of the store. Hearing her voice on the phone was terrible. I felt myself come down from the euphoric thrill of discovering that my origin is a harmonious civilization in orbit around a magnificent star, back down to the reality that regardless of the beauty of my origin, my present was that of an employee in a competitive, sales-goal driven clothing store. 

Have you ever had a dream that you're in a beautiful place, doing something you love to do? The kind of dream you regret waking up from, because it's just better than life? Hearing the voice of my boss was like a weird reversal of that; like I was brought back into the dream of 'real life' after being awakened to the 'reality' of life beyond Earth. 

Liza was calling to let me know that the next day- Monday, my other day off- there was to be a mandatory staff meeting. 

Since the phone got me out of bed, I decided to stay up- although it was early, and at that point in my life, I liked to sleep in as late as possible- so that I could get back into my research. I spent Sunday in much the same way I had spent Saturday night. Pouring through page after page of my old drawings and writings, looking for more "proof" of my Arcturian-ness. Also, I read blogs written by other starseeds. There was an immediate kinship, and although we hadn't met in physicality, I joined some chat groups and online communities, and fully relished the cyber company.

I marveled at the discovery that life really does have meaning and purpose- we are here to achieve the goal of spiritual self realization. We are here to come back to the understanding that We are All One. To reach the state of Enlightenment. To find bliss in spite of difficult circumstances, narrow-minded society, and personal spiritual amnesia.

I was beyond eager to embark on this exciting path of discovery. The textbook scientific explanation of life had always struck me as a harsh and barren view of reality. It's so finite and petty to think of ourselves as anomalies, born by chance of a one-in-a-trillion random chain of events that made living conditions a possibility. That narrow view was not enough for me. And yet, it had struck me as equally unpalatable to believe the laws of Catholicism with which I had been raised- the belief that we are all sinners because at the beginning of our ancestral line, our great-to-the-power-of-a-million grandmother had eaten an apple from a tree that God had told her not to touch.

Suddenly, there was a third option- we are neither random scientific co-incidence, nor doomed creations of an angry God who wants to punish us for the misbehavior of our ancestors- we, humans, are actually sparks of spiritual light who all, for our own individual reasons, chose, at some point in our cosmic journeys, to come into fleshly form on Earth in order to meet one another, quite literally, face to face.

The most beautiful thing I discovered through all of the various internet searches is that all of us, every single man, woman and child on the planet, are self-sovereign beings with other-worldly origins. Some of us are Sirian, some Andromedan, some Vegan (meaning, of course, 'from the star system Vega,' not 'strict vegetarian'- although, no doubt, some Vegans are also vegan; I myself am a vegan Arcturian...) some from Orion, some are Pleiadian, and some people are originally from stars so distant to our communal Earth that we can't possibly have names for them because even with super telescopes, they can't be seen in our night sky. All of these many, many stars host life, and of all the many, many stars that host life, some stars sent down seeds of life at the dawning of Earthly civilization, to participate in a mass experiment. To drastically over-simplify things, the brother-sisterhoods of various star systems wanted to see how members of a hybrid race would interact with one another, if that hybrid race contained incarnated souls from multitudinous other places. (My 13 year old dreams were true! It really was an experiment... I thought.)

The medium of this blog is truly not sufficient to describe just how I felt as I absorbed all of this; how much I felt like I was suddenly a character in a science fiction story come true- something crazy, written by L. Ron Hubbard, or directed by Steven Spielberg- and yet, I didn't just believe all that I read; I knew it to be true. It was undeniable for me. After all, time had literally stopped in the middle of the most cookie-cutter kind of clothing stores, as I was helping a customer. A disembodied voice had spoken to me, and told me that I was an Arcturian, and though I had never heard the term before, it turned out to explain why- like a child adopted at birth who could never put into words why she feels uneasy with her family- I was always 'different.' This business of multiple star systems coming together on Earth was a lot of information to take in at once, but I internalized all the new concepts quickly, inspected them from every possible inner angle, and came to the conclusion that they are not only true, but also, perfect explanations for the state of the world.

***  

Somehow, throughout the entire staff meeting the next day, I caught myself smiling. My mind kept drifting from the topics at hand to the awareness that I was not really salesgirl; I was actually on an intergalactic mission to awaken humanity, but that I had temporarily forgotten, and accidentally took on a sales position. I was not even a ‘girl,’ really, I was a light being temporarily wearing the body of a girl so that I could remember the truth, share it with other, then, once all awakened, we, the people on Earth, would all be able to ascend into higher states of consciousness. As Liza went on and on about sales, or the new trends, or competition, I would think to myself, over and over again, “Yes, Sarah, you really are an Arcturian.” 

On the bus on my way home, I sat gazing at my reflection in the window. I had been considered an ugly child, but by my late teens, something had happened to my face that people call 'growing into the looks.' My appearance had developed into a rather symmetrical one, with features that fit the social norm of appreciated femininity. I enjoyed having this face; I had fun with make-up, and hairstyling... I was very casually wondering about this- wondering whether or not my looks are in any way connected to my Arcturian origin, and also, wondering how it is that we feel so attached to our temporary earthly bodies, when something outside the window caught my eye: the name Sarah was printed on a lone bumper sticker on the car next to the bus, and it caught my eye literally. The reflection of my eyes was underlined by the bumper sticker. (Imagine this- you're looking at your reflection in a window, when suddenly, right behind your reflection, you see your name. It's like ‘you’ squared.) 

The traffic in the next lane moved ahead while the bus remained behind, and I watched, spellbound, as a van pulled up to occupy the spot the Sarah car had just been. It had an unusual license plate number. 

The plate read 'ETX 101.'

“ET 10… I need to take that! 1t would be a great college course for someone who just found out they’re a starseed!”

When I got home, I continued to peruse sites about starseeds and Arcturians. It's amazing just how much is written about something never reported on the evening news, or in magazines. One site that I kept referring back to was a blog written by a Pleiadian. He had some funny anecdotes about life in a big family, and how one person's awakening can inspire others around them to seek. As I went through his blog archives, looking for something I hadn't yet read, there was one title that hit me like my name between my eyes- 'ET 101.' The blog was a review of a book called, of course, ET 101, that he heralded a must-read; a quintessential primer course for recently awakened starseeds. I had to get that book! The last sentence of his blog left me disappointed, though. He wrote, like an after-thought, in small print: 

“Good luck finding a copy. ET 101 was never mass produced or sold in stores. It was released once in the 1990's, in a small batch, by university press. That makes it obscure and practically unattainable.”

I prayed- in a childish, begging sort of way- for the voice that had spoken to me two days earlier to speak again.

“Alright. You told me I’m an Arcturian. And now you're silent. Please, tell me more! Guide me! Tell me what I need to do! How can I get my life on track? Please- tell me everything!"

Silence.

"Fine. If you won't talk, then please, help me find a copy of that book!” 

*** 

The next morning, I was once again caught between two worlds- the mystical world of Arcturian revelations, and the mundane world of third dimensional reality. I had overslept, after spending a fruitless night scouring eBay and the like for a copy of ET 101, and that oversleeping had made me late for work. I ran down the street from my apartment without breakfast, checking the clock one last time to see how late I was, and in fact, it was dire- I had to catch the next bus, or else I wouldn't have time to pick up coffee before my shift... As I approached my stop, the bus was just pulling away. I had missed it.

When the bus that I had finally caught was finally at my stop, the driver did something that made me want to scream. He over-shot his mark and pulled about half a block ahead- way past the intersection that I needed. Adding insult to injury, my feet froze after I disembarked. It felt like a scene in a bad dream: at a time when I really, truly had to run, I couldn't move my legs. In that murky slow-motion of my nightmarish state, I pulled out my cell phone to determine just how punishably late I was... but the glowing screen displayed a time let me awed and perplexed. I was early. Early! My shift was exactly half an hour away, and there I stood, but a two-minute walk from the store. For a moment, I doubted the accuracy of my cellular provider, and glanced up to see the clock on top of a nearby building. That clock confirmed what my phone had already shown me. I was most definitely a half an hour early.

I laughed, and turned in the direction of a bagel place to get some breakfast. That's when I noticed where I was standing. 

The bus had stopped, and I had disembarked, and my legs had become nightmarishly glued to the spot, right in front a spiritually themed second hand book store. Somehow, time had bent, and the bus had been placed exactly where I needed to be. So many Arcturian web sites had discussed the manipulation of the time-space fabric, but I had taken that to mean... well, I didn't know what I had taken it to mean. This was so literal. So practical. I was sent a half hour back and to a spot next to a place that I had to be... My mind couldn't fully grasp it, so I stopped looking for the right words to formulate a thought. I still can't quite describe how I had felt then. The laws of physics, as I had known them to exist, had been obviously flouted in front of me twice in under two weeks. I was neither underwhelmed nor overwhelmed. I guess, I was just whelmed, and also, speechless. I mean, when time stops, and voices come from nowhere to tell you amazing things, and cars line up with license plates displaying exactly what you need to see, and your legs physically freeze in exactly the right place at exactly the time when time is turned back... to say "wow!' would be just a bit cliché. 

Of course, I walked into the bookstore.

“Hi. I’m looking for a book called ET 101.”

The man behind the counter eyed me curiously, and asked, “Where did you hear about it?”

I told him, in a much less articulate way than I've written here, everything that had recently happened to me.

“A few days ago, a voice came out of nowhere and told me that I'm an Arcturian. Then, it came again and, like, time stopped at work. So I looked it up- Arcturian. Everything the web sites said fit with what I've always thought. It’s confusing, though, because none of the web sites give advice about what I need to do now! I was looking for an answer, when I saw a license plate with the digits ETX 101 yesterday... right away, I thought, 'wow- ET 101 would be a great primer class for starseeds' which, apparently, it is.”

I was rambling, and certainly, sounded like a certifiable nut case.

“I wouldn't even be here asking for this rare book, except that it seems fate has brought me here.”

When I finally gave him a chance, he said, “I have your book.”

I was both amazed, and not surprised at all, when he said this. He walked to the back of the shop, and returned with the prize.

Smiling warmly, he said, "Five dollars, please. Five even- there's no tax on used books."

I paid him, stepped outside with my package, and checked the clock again. It was exactly half an hour before the beginning of my shift. Still. Or, again. Half an hour even, as if time doesn't tax events that are meant to happen.

I leisurely enjoyed my vegan muffin and soy latte at the coffee shop, then walked calmly into work. 

Throughout my breakfast, I had stared at the unassuming spiral bound blue book called ET 101, waiting with anticipation. I was not going to open it until I got home that night. I wanted to read slowly, deliberately, the whole book in one go- without pause or stop.

Something in my expression must have betrayed the unusual circumstances of my morning, though, because the first thing one of my co-workers said as I punched in for the day was, "Sarah! What happened to you?"

"What?" I asked, "Did I only put liner on one eye or something?" I couldn't imagine what she was seeing.

"No, nothing like that..." she said, "it's just... you're glowing or something. Shining..."

"Radiating!" Our other co-worker said.

I knew I had a secretive, knowing smile because of my morning's unusual events. Also, I knew it was unfair to keep such a strange series of happenings secret- after all, my tale might be a refreshing one for them to hear after many mornings of stubborn silence, complaints about traffic congestion, minimum wage, sales goals and the chore list. Besides, what would it matter if they thought I was crazy? Nothing was real, after all. 

"Nothing is real." I said, like any other character in any other story who has just had an epiphany. Only, of course, this story really happened. "Work, fashion, sales competitions... illusory, fake, pointless. All the things we feel duty-bound and obligated to in life are but scripted scenes for our enactment. We only feel stress, anger, jealousy and boredom because we believe the game is real. We can have fun, though, if we choose to. The game can be fun if we remember, through every act and scene, that it's just a game. An actor playing the part of a shopgirl can enjoy it, because she knows the camera is going to stop, and she will be herself once again. An actress. We can do the same thing." I looked at them all, one by one. "None of us are what we appear to be. I see all of you. You're playing here, pretending to be mad at each other, pretending to compete, but really, it's only because you've forgotten this is all a play! I guess the reason I look like I'm radiating, is that I've been going through a bit of an awakening. A few days ago, as I was getting ready for work, a voice said to me, 'Sarah, you are an Arcturian.' That's Arc-too-ree-an."

It would have been easier to describe all of this if I had known Sanskrit at that time. Basically, I had told my coworkers that this world- it's pressures, struggles, and rivalries- are only maya; that it will seem like a drag until we wake up, and understand that it’s all just a leela. I discovered the leela when my jeeva experienced a satori, and heard that its ishwara is from a star called Swathi. 

I told them everything, and they surprised me- which was quite a thing for them to do- surprise me, I mean- considering the windfall of miracles that had just happened. Instead of reacting with jaded, cynical or skeptical reproach, they listened to my story happily. They were all amazed, awe-struck and excited to hear about the strange course of events. 

"So- it was just this morning that your bus stopped in front of that book store and you were half an hour early?" One finally asked, after a moment of silence in which they digested the strange tale.

"Yes," I answered.

"So- can we see the book? ET 101?" Another broke in.

When I pulled the thin volume from my bag, I could tell that in that moment, my story had became real for them; substantiated. They each held the book so reverently. These people, whom a week earlier I would have judgementally thought held nothing as sacred, gingerly turned the pages, laughed at the jokes, and respectfully took turns. We spent the rest of the day reading passages aloud, and from then on, it wasn't a dysfunctional staff any more. We were enthusiastic, considerate; we shared the chores and took turns with the customers. 

All the web sites declared that when one person experiences a spiritual awakening, the entire collective of people close to the awakened one experience similar elevations in consciousness. The elevated mood of the staff of that high-end fashion retail store was just the first of many, many, many examples of this; examples that have come up in my life, and in the lives of of my clients, friends, associates, and more. An awakening is not just a personal realization, it's the spark that can ignite a fireworks display! When you awaken to a higher reality, you elevate your friends, family, and even stubborn coworkers, to that higher reality with you. When you seek enlightemnent, even just your own enlightenment, you set out on a mission of global enlightemnent.

Now, wake up! Find out where you come from! Seek the truth of your being! Life gets really interesting when you know that you're not really a human, you just play one in earthly life.

***

ET 101 is still one of the best books on the market about the starseed phenomenon. Luckily, it's been taken out of obscurity, and the original author has put it into reprint. She has a website where it can be purchased either as mail-order, or as an e-book. Needless to say, I highly recommend it.

www.et101.net