Filming a YouTube video about Inner Awakening in Thailand

Filming a YouTube video about Inner Awakening in Thailand

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Let Go of Judgement to Find your Inner Master

One question I've been asked a lot lately is this: 
"How can I find answers for myself, without feeling a need for external validation?" 
Client after client is asking me, through the tarot cards, and in general, how they can tune in to their own innate wisdom, and essentially, become their own master. Some have told me they would like to learn to read tarot, others have said they want to start channeling, and others still have expressed a yearning to personally know the truth of divinity.  
As a reader deeply committed to the highest good of my clients, these questions are music to my ears! 
Since it can be of benefit to all of us, not just those who have asked, let me share with you all the answer I give to my clients when they are ready to embrace their gurus within.
First and foremost, before we can see our own divinity, find the Truth of our Being, and get the answers we seek from within our selves, we must let go the judgements we carry. 
All of them.
Only when there is no more judgement within us, we will be able to tune ourselves to the frequencies of Light, Love, and Highest Truth.
Extreme repatterning and redirection of our energy is needed to let go of all our judgement.
We are conditioned from birth to be judgemental. We enter this world directly into a society that harbors inner opinions and rigid definitions. We are taught by our parents, teachers and friends to feel apart from the rest. We are taught to have an ‘us against them’ attitude towards those we deem as ‘others’ in the world. And even within ourselves, we feel conflicted, torn apart, caught between various beliefs and self-imposed ideologies.
Letting go of judgementalism means feeling we are each a part, not apart. We each play a part in the play that is the world. We are united in our playing of these unique parts. We may each play a part, but that doesn't mean we must keep ourselves apart.
Some of our judgements can be called positive, some can be called negative, and some can be called neutral. A positive judgement would be, “I like this person.” A negative judgement would be, “I don’t like that person.” A neutral judgement would be, “I neither like nor dislike another person.”
It doesn’t matter whether we are holding good, bad or neutral judgements. Holding any judgements at all will prevent us from progressing on the path of spiritual discovery. 
Those who have found themselves to be masters, those who hear spiritual truth, those whom we elevate as harbingers of mystical fulfillment, are all inclusive, not exclusive. If we want to be like the saints we revere, we must also live in a state of non-jedgemental, inclusive, unconditionality.
Judgement excludes. 
Judgement sets apart. 
Judgement limits.

To awaken our inner master, we must be open, inclusive, and unlimited.
Whenever I suggest that a client stop being judgemental, the inevitable follow-up question for me is, “How?”
How to stop being judgemental?
Look at the word. 
Judgemental. Judge-mental. It’s a mentality, which can only be sparked in the mind. Whenever we’re hindered by our judgement, the only way past the obstacle of our hinderance is by letting go of the restrictive thought patterning that led us into the judgement in the first place. 
There is no such word as judge-physical. Or judge-emotional. Or judge-spiritual. There is only judge-mental.
If we want to find truth, we have to drop our incessant judgement and instead live with innocence, love and bliss. We must center ourselves within our physicality, emotionality and spirituality, as much as we are already stuck in our mentality.
In so doing, we can become as inclusive as are the masters we revere!
Meditation is the key here. A dynamic meditation that works on all layers of our being- our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual bodies- is best. By setting a strong intention to let go of judgement while meditating deeply, we will All be able to find Truth. 
(Nithya Dhyaan and eN Kriya are excellent for this; and Inner Awakening is truly the greatest opportunity. )
This statement I’m making is not morality. I’m not suggesting that everyone drop their judgement so that the world will become a better place. Of course, if we all drop our exclusivist judgements, the world will become a better place, but within the context of answering this question- how to find the inner master- letting go of judgement is not a moral stance, but a necessary first step.
This is not about right or wrong, good or bad. That labeling would only be more judgement. This is simple practicality.
We need not drop our judgement for the sake of those whom we are judging, we need only drop our judgement for the sake of creating the space within ourselves for something higher.
So long as we are overly judging and therefore overly mental, we will incessantly question not only others but also ourselves. That is what blocks us from finding our Truth.
With judgement, when we try to listen to our own inner voice, no matter how wise the message it has for us may be, we will not believe ourselves. 

Our judgement will cause us to say, “No, I can’t know what I know, because it’s only coming from me, and not from _________.” 
__________ can represent an advisor, psychiatrist, psychic, or guru. Anybody whom we judge is more in tune with truth than our own self.
The ‘I don’t believe it if it comes from me’ attitude, is self-judgement. 
There is no mind in which self-judgement and pure knowing of Truth can co-exist.
Whether we seek Truth from channeling, psychic intuitive opening, mystical revelation or the ultimate merging with God, letting go of judgement is the essential first step.
If we’re holding judgement, we do not have a clear picture of ourselves, or of those who live around us. Thus, we will always confine ourselves by mentally imposed limits. When, in such a state of limitation, a true message sneaks past our judgemental barricade and into our physical mind, we will disbelieve it, censor and condition that message of truth by contaminating it with what we think we know already.
As long as we have judgement in any part of our being, we will judge every part of our being.
We are all able to realize Truth. We are all divine, psychic and profoundly wise beings, who have forgotten our divinity, psychic ability and profound wisdom by adopting this habit of judging.
Judging is a habit. For some, it is an addiction. But, for all, it can be let go.
When the time comes to let go of judgement, many often feel a deep fear of losing their identities.
It is not identity, though, but ego, that lives in judgement.
This fear is the result of societal propaganda, perpetuated by others who reinforce their judgements upon us, without knowing any better way of being, than in a state of judging.
We have learned to define ourselves by what we aren’t, rather than what we are.
Letting go of judgement allows us to see who we are, and who others are, as positive sparks of existence, not negative points of difference. Without the filters of judgement, we see valid reality, not an invalid opinion.
Without judgement, we know red is red because it is red. With judgement, we know only the partial truth that red is red because it is not blue.
Judgement is conditioned understanding of truth based on limitation and separation.
Non-judgement is open, trusting, innocent realization of pure truth. 
Some will judge it as a disservice to their teacher to drop the judgements that prevent them from becoming their own source of divine understanding. They fear it will hurt their master if they become their own master. This is the very last judgement to drop. This is what masters are referring to when they say, “The last attachment to drop is the attachment to the form of the Master.”
A master- spiritual guru, divine teacher, whether living or ascended- will always lead us to our own Truth by helping us to drop our conditioned beliefs and judgements. But a true master will never hold us back, once we have dropped ALL other judgements, from dropping the final judgement we hold, which relates to the need for the master him or herself.
All good teachers will tell us that it's their job to put themselves out of business! 
Paramahamsa Nithyananda Swamiji, for example, has often said that he is here to awaken the inner guru within all of his followers; that he is here to turn his followers into Leaders. He assures us that he is not dependent on having disciples, or needy for devotees. 
One close devotee of Swamiji’s told me about a powerful dream experience she had of him. She said that in her dream, Swamiji appeared, and she reverently touched his feet. He asked her what blessing she wants, and she replied, filled with devotion, "Swamiji, I want to worship you always. Let me be your disciple in all your future incarnations!" He looked at her sternly, and asked, "Why do you always want to be my follower? When will you ask to become me!" 
In the profound book Living Enlightenment, Swamiji says very beautifully,

“Coming closer to the master is the path to becoming the master.” p.703
By experiencing the unconditional love and total acceptance of one who lives with pure Truth, we learn what it really means to be free from judgement. Masters show us, by living without any inner judgement themselves, that we, too, can not only survive, but thrive, by living a judgement free life.
“The purity in the relationship with the master,” says Swamiji, “is that there is no attempt to make something else of you. You actually love the master because he gives you the complete freedom to be just what you are with no strings attached.”
As the master does not judge, if we are to become like him, we must not judge.
What we need to do first to awaken our inner guru, then- to find leaders in our own selves, to know the Truth- is to simply relax and be ourselves completely. Without judgement.
Until such a time as this total relaxation happens, we must not look at the master, but rather, look to the master. Emulate the master. Catch the beingness of the master. See how he is, not just who he is, and be that way, also.
The greatest revelation that happened in me, after my recent experience of seeing all of God’s many forms, then merging as One with them into Godhead, is this: I know what I know. 
I knew what I knew before that experience, too, of course; but before, I questioned the validity of what I knew by judging myself as unworthy to know it. I thought I knew what I knew. Now, I know what I know. As long as I only thought I knew what I knew, I always looked to some other source for confirmation of what I knew.
I would ask Swamiji to confirm my truth during darshans, or I would ask the tarot cards to confirm my truth during readings. I didn’t innocently trust myself to know what I knew; I judged myself as less trustworthy. 
Now, there is no more feeling of a need within me to get confirmation or validation from anything or anyone else. I know what I know. Because I know what I know, more and more and more is being revealed to me. Downloads are happening continuously. Bliss is happening continuously. Channeling is happening. Revelations are happening. Why? Because, I Know What I Know. Period.
That is the only difference between me, as I am now, and me, as I was before. How am I now living as my own master? How am I now channeling my Higher Self. How do I know my Truth? 
I know what I know.
And for you, it is the same. To find your own inner master, to channel your own higher self, to experience cosmic downloads, to accurately read tarot cards, and to access long-dormant psychic powers, just remember:
“You know what you know.”
It’s a very simple concept, and it applies to everyone who is without judgement
Please don’t confuse judgement with discernment. 
We must be discerning about what we know. This is the reason for meditation. When we know what we know comes from our heart and our being, then we know what we know is truth not judgement. 
When it is Truth not judgement, we can declare, “I Know What I Know.”
To assist in this process, let me share with you a recent situation that came up between myself and one of my clients. 
This client recently expressed to me that he wants to start channeling, but finds the opening difficult.
 I understood the source of his difficulties in the channeling process when he casually revealed two of his judgements to me.  
Neither of them were ‘good’ or ‘bad’ judgements; they were both neutral, and they came up after his reading, not during. He is a very kind and caring person, so I'm not making a case out of him as an example of someone with 'a lot of judgement;' actually, I'm using these examples because they show us common, everyday judgement.
This should allow you to see what a judgement is:
He said, first, that he can’t understand why I work one day a week at a store called Dragonspace. I asked what he found odd about that, and he said, “It doesn’t look like your kind of place. It looks like a store for Dungeons and Dragons players.” 

It’s not- Dragonspace is actually a store founded by spiritual mythologists, who relished the ancient beliefs about dragons connected to such ideas as guardian energy, and alchemy. It was his judgement to assume that since the store’s name contains, and sign depicts, a dragon, it must be for enthusiasts of mythic role-playing games.  

Another judgement wrapped up within the first was the judgement that it was not 'my kind of place.' What is one person's kind of place, and what is another's? Is a person only able to enjoy the things we imagine he or she enjoys?
It’s a common type of thought coming from typical judgemental mentality: first, judging a place by it’s name. Second, judging whether or not another person will like a place based on that person’s likes and dislikes.

What makes this judgement so inebriating to the knowing of truth is that it assumes it knows what it knows while it doesn't actually know anything.

Swamiji tells a story about a learned professor who visits a Zen master for a lesson. On arrival, the professor lists all of his honours, all his degrees and certificates, all his observations. The master, all the while, prepares tea. As the professor goes on and on listing all that he knows about enlightenment, the path of seeking and realization, the master sets an empty cup in front of him. The master takes the tea pot, and starts to pour. The professor continues to list his qualifications, and the master continues to pour, until the tea is spilling out over the rim of the cup. The professor watches, as the tea overflows past the edge of the saucer, and still, the master keeps pouring. Finally, the contents of the pot itself are nearly emptied, and tea starts to run down the legs of the table to the floor. Finally, the professor asks the master why he doesn't pay attention to what he's doing. He is a Zen master. He knew exactly what he was doing. "When a cup is overflowing, we cannot pour anything more into it." The professor understood. He thought he knew so much, that the Zen master saw him as an unfit student. 

Like that professor filled with thoughts, if we are filled with judgements, our higher minds cannot channel wisdom down to us; that wisdom would only spill out and be lost amidst all the other thoughts.
His other judgement was this: "Don't be offended, but I really don't see 'you' in the painting on your business card."
A number of judgements here: first, who does he think I am? Why does he think I want that painting to represent me? What kind of a person does he see in it?
So much mentality. 
The technique I gave him to break free from his judgementalism will work for all of us, and so, here it is:
First, let go of the idea that you know anybody you think you know.
Every single person alive on planet Earth is the author of his or her own autobiography. We are not the writers of one another’s story, and so, to assume that the character profile we’ve written for another fully encapsulates his or her full identity is completely wrong. We must live as if we are meeting everyone around us for the first time, every time we meet. Because, we are. 
I said to him, “Instead of looking at my painting, and wondering how it fits in with the ideas you’ve built up about me, look at the ideas you’ve built up about me, and expand them to include the painting. Then, let all of them go, and understand that I am not the sum total of all your thoughts about me.”
He was worried that I would be offended by the fact that he didn’t see the painting as a reflection of my being, and even that was another judgement: the judgement that I would be offended by someone else’s judgement.
What I suggested he do as an exercise to let go of all the judgement, was to make a list of all the people he thinks he knows. 
We can all do this. 
List relatives, friends, customers, coworkers. Everyone. Then, list beside each of their names, all the things about them that we don’t feel ‘suit’ them. Maybe one guy has a haircut that doesn’t seem to fit his personality; another might work at a company that doesn’t seem connected with his beliefs; a girl may hang our with a friend who seems wrong for her. Anything about a person we have thought contradicts the person.
The next step is to expand the view we have of all these people, to include the ideas of whatever it is about them we judge as being contradictory. If we can stretch our definition to be inclusive of this seemingly contradictory trait, we can see something closer to the full person.
Take it a step further. Imagine each person on the list suddenly exchanges traits, behaviors and styles with each other person on the list. And expand again. Break all the definitions made about each and every character. 

Masters have been known to suddenly do something extremely unexpected in front of their disciples. They may make blatantly opposing statements, one following the other, and act as if they totally believe each. They may state that there is one thing they will never, ever do, and the next day, that's what they will do. They do this to force the minds of their disciples to open up; to expand; to drop the judgement.

If you don't have the blessing of a master in your life, then by doing this list, you yourself can see the huge benefit of dissolving the thoughts, ideas, and judgements you have of the people around you.
To be without judgement is to simply accept anything, about anybody, at any time, without a thought or opinion on the matter. 
Beyond that, to be without judgement is to accept anything about ourselves at any time.
To channel, to develop psychic ability, to find Truth and ultimately to meet God, we have to be completely open and innocent. Free of judgement.
Why? Because, as long as we are judging, we are not open to receive anything that does not fit into the framework of our limited beliefs.
There is no room for thought of separation beyond the veils of this dimension.
The act discovering inner spiritual Truth is the act of bringing heaven down to earth. We must do it, by dropping our limited, ego-based, judgemental thought.
This is why Swamiji Nithyananda tells us not to condition the master by putting him in a frame.
This is why Jesus says that only those who have become like little children can enter into the kingdom of God.
This is why Osho tell us to be deeply innocent.
This is why Shiva tells Devi to receive.
Receptivity is freedom from judgement. Openness is freedom from judgement. Children are free from judgement. Innocence is free from judgement. 
Be innocent, receptive and unconditional and know Truth. 
Each of us has, on some level of our being, an idea that we seek love, acceptance, truth, bliss. We keep these yearnings hidden, all the while craving for them to be validated. We catch glimpses of understanding, then relegate those to the depths of unspoken fancy. We wait until some being whom we perceive as higher, or more in tune with truth than us, confirms what we already know. 
Essentially, the confirmation will always validate, We Know What We Know.

This is the blessing of a master. Until we know what we know, the master will remind us, though clicks of wisdom and energy transfers and encouragement, to get back into the mode of knowing.
To be as a master, we must reconcile our inner desire, with itself. We must have an unsullied inner space. 
We may have this as an inner desire: “I want to know God,” while a conflicting judgement tells us, “I don’t deserve to know God because I am not a saint.” 
One inner desire may be, “I wish to have smooth relationships,” while a contradictory judgement negates it: “The people around me are dysfunctional, so I must have dysfunctional relationships with them.”
We might know, “I am as telepathic and empathetic as any professional psychic out there,” but a contradictory judgement says, “It takes hard work to tune in to telepathy and empathy... I’m not cut out for that.”
We struggle, on and on, trying to figure ourselves out amidst the inner tug of war between conflicting hopes and fears, dreams and nightmares, desires and guilts, Truth and judgement.
Masters, like Nithyanandaji, live conflict free lives. 
But we will miss their deep and profound teachings if we only seek their approval without also following their example!
How many times has Swamiji told us that we must not idolize Shiva as a god, but instead, learn from Shiva as a teacher!
Be as innocent as a child, as receptive as a Devi, and as nonjudgemental as a saint. Say Shivoham. I AM That I AM. I know what I know. Ahambrahmasmi. 
If you can say those words without thinking about how others will react to your affirmation; without judging yourself as worthy or unworthy of their profound Truth, then Tattvamasi- you have found your Inner Master.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Letting Go of the Form of the Master

There's not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that Swamiji is a complete enlightened avatar; a full incarnation of Divinity; a Master who can lead humanity to eternal bliss. From the moment I first laid eyes on Him, I knew He was all that and more. Since Babaji had led me to Him, and all my guides had confirmed His sanctity, I surrendered to Him completely and followed Him with pure, unquestioning devotion. 
Now, filled with gratitude for all that He has added to my life, it's time for me to let go of Swamiji's form, and follow my own divine guidance.

This is not a kutarka decision; it's simply my next step. The only way for me to do what I came here to do.


The word God has been cheapened by religious dogma, philosophically killed by Nietzsche, likened unto Fuck by Osho, and demonized by those who claim to live in righteous fear of the supreme being to whom they petition by it. Even still, I'm going to use the word God- limited though it has become- to refer to the benevolent, omnipotent, omnipresent Source, who is constantly radiating love and light. Rather than say, 'the conscious creator of all-that-is,' 'the great I AM' or 'Love -Light-Source' I will use the name God, because the Great-Source-of-All-That-Is was introduced to me by no other name.


Suddenly, a procession of immaculate beauty danced a celebratory dance across the infinite space laid out before me, spiraling upwards and onwards, to the peak of a sacred and wondrous white mount. This heavenly parade included masters, angels, deities and saints from all cultures. Founders of religions together with anonymous assistants, recognized emissaries of divine light, intergalactic beings and haloed ascendants of the human race, alike. Joyfully I watched, as they danced their dance of divine glory. Twirling, flying, leaping! They were varied and individually unique as ever a group could be, yet they were all unified, harmonious, One in Love. Though some were large and others small, none exhibited even an ounce of ego. There were no pedestals, no spotlights, no onlookers but myself- and even to me, they didn't pander or fawn. They didn't call out and wave, nor shy away and ignore. Simply they smiled, with the entirety of their beings, and danced their dance of pure fulfillment. For an inestimable measure of timelessness, I watched, enchanted and elevated by their synchronous grace. My soul expanded to reach for them, and the joy they poured back to me in return was an embrace beyond any Love I have ever felt before.

Only when the recognized forms of the Hindu deities appeared, I became aware of myself as separate, humbled by the presence of such renowned and revered, iconic beings. I had a verbalized thought, for the first time since the dawning of this majestic experience, and it came like an unwelcome guest against the calm reverie I was so sweetly enjoying.

My recognition formed remembrance of the words, "Shiva and Durga and Ganesha... I should bow down." They paid no attention to my attempted humility, but simply danced with all the rest, as joyously as the others. 

The Voice spoke exactly as I realized- languagelessly again, without need to verbalize the knowing that had replaced the labelling- that truly all the deities, and all the self realized souls, of all the cultures, on all of the worlds, work together. Hierarchies though there may be on the physicalized plane of Earth, in the realm beyond the borders of embodied limitation, all who exist to serve as One are equal in One, like team-mates filling roles appropriate to each one's talents and abilities, striving towards a common goal.

The Voice was thunderous, all pervasive, coming from everywhere at once. It didn't really speak, so much as permeate my entire being with it's smooth tenor accoustics.

"God is beyond even the Hindu deities."

As the Voice spoke, the Hindu deities, and with them, all the others- masters, angels, interdimensional lights, galactic beings, haloed saints, and ascended souls- turned their attention upwards, and raised their palms in excited, anticipatory surrender.

Beyond them appeared a most brilliant light; distant at first, but growing closer and therefore larger and brighter. Golden like the sun and supremely beneficent to behold, as if purifying and deeply healing the eyes blessed enough to land gaze upon it. This Light was the opposite of blinding; to see it is to know bliss unlike any other. More quenching than water is to thirst; more filling than limitless fruit is to hunger; more gratifying than a lovers touch to lust... this Light was simultaneously tantalizing and satiating to all senses as it came down upon us in a twirl. To see such Light is to know what the heart has yearned for always. Seeing it awakens deep passion followed by complete relief, desire followed by unimaginable indulgence, over and over again, in rapid succession, with an exponentially increasing climax as it grows closer and brighter and more beautiful... Then suddenly, its grandeur overtook we who were surrendered, and dissolved us into pure sensory perfection.



I opened my tear-filled eyes and found myself in this body again, laying in bed, exhilarated and ecstatic beyond anything I had ever felt before.

It was the Darshan to end all Darshans.

Nothing in life has felt the same since. No chore has been a burden; no thought a disturbance; no encounter unpleasant.

Each and every cell is alive with sentient remembrance of the One who created All, and the All who merged with the One. The One who awaits the return of the rest of the All, for whose homeward guidance those who have already merged back into One, have but temporarily separated again.

There is a reason why so many mystics simply dissolve into tears when asked to recount their experience of this Loving, Parental, All-encompassing Light. To put into words such an experience is like attempting to paint a portrait of the most beautiful face, without enough colours on the palette to properly capture the subtle highlights, or space on the canvas for the dimensions, or motor skills in the hand to do it justice. Words were used in this blog only as placeholders, providing comparatively dry description, until the experience itself can be had by the rest of the All. 


The day after this rapture, I knew my charge. My work- if you can call something joyful 'work'- was made clear to me. 

All along I had known, somehow, that the time to go beyond the form of the Master would be upon me only after I had seen God. That only then, I would be ready to venture forth the teachings of the being working through this body called Sarah, or Sudevi, and carry out the plans that my guides, my Arcturian family, and my earthly messengers have labored long to awaken within me.


That same night, a synchronous dream was dreamt by one of my sisters in Nithyananda.

"We were walking on a path together." She told me. "You were encouraging me to continue to pursue enlightenment, and somehow, as we walked, we were moving through higher dimensions. At the end, you moved ahead and I couldn't go with you, but I was perfectly at peace with it. I understood that all of our paths are different, and I was grateful to have shared this truth with you."

It's a mutual gratitude.

Her dream illustrates so beautifully that each of us is on our own path of enlightenment. The path, that is one and the same as the Master, is a river. Some will ebb with it while others flow; some will glide beneath the surface while others are tossed back and forth with the crashing rapids; some will meander and others will skip playfully across the surface in a dash towards the open ocean that is God. Each one, on a unique and perfect individual path of enlightenment.

So long as Swamiji is your Master, hold on to Him tightly. He is the River and also your life-vest in turbulent tides.

Only when you know- without even the slightest doubt- that the Ocean at the River's end has engulfed you, playfully and gratefully let go His form; and frolic in the water at His side.


A psychospiritual question philosophizes, 

"If God and the Master stand before you, to whom do you bow down?"

The answer seems to be neither.

God and the Master cannot stand next to One Another. The Master will simply disappear into God as God rushes towards the Master. And if your openness, unconditional trust, reverence and love bring you to bear witness to such a glorious event, then you, too, will also be engulfed- so powerfully, that the act of bowing down will not only be needless, but also, impossible.


God and the Master stand before you as One, calling you to merge back into Them.


Jai Paramahamsa Sri Sri Sri Nithyananda Swami-ki!

Thank You, Gurudeva, for creating the space within me to say,

Aham Saraswathi.


After all this, some might be wondering why the necessity to drop the form of the Master.

There's a myriad of reasons; the most important one being this: It's vital for me to now fully disclose my Arcturian origin, and share the teachings of that magnificent star system, Arcturus a.k.a. Swathi. It will be a blessing for people here to understand the Arcturian connection to the myths of the ancients (particularly in the Vedic civilization) so that the legends can be revived and brought into the accessible now. The deities are back, and the sacred history is repeating, updated to fit 'modern' times.

So long as I am known as a Nithyananda Acharya, there will be a possibility that my teachings will be confused with the teachings of the Master. Some will seem quite 'out there,' covering ground untouched in His many discourses. I don't want to run the risk of giving Swamij a questionable reputation or a bad name by sharing what I have to share under an implied connection to Him. It's important for me to be accountable for everything I say, and not leave room for the misunderstanding that my words are being sent to me etherically from Him. (In the way He guides LBP Acharyas who conduct meditation classes in His name.) None of the messages I'm receiving 'clash' with His teachings, and in fact, it's unanimous amongst my guides that this world not only needs Swamiji's Avatar, but also, needs as many people as possible to have His darshan and attend His programs. However, my job is not to teach His lessons, but rather, to teach different but harmonious lessons.

Besides the revelation of the Arcturian mission work, the rapturous experience I described above took place in the pre-dawn hours of the last Saturday morning before Swamiji's Kailash Yatra. That evening, the sangha gathered to watch a weekly live discourse, followed by eN Kriya Initiation. During that discourse, Swamiji asked for "everyone who feels they are not yet enlightened"- who feel they had not yet reached the state of permanent bliss- to raise their hands. After taking a count, no doubt of how many hands were not in the air, He chided us, saying, "The people who didn't raise their hands aren't enlightened; they're just lazy."

I knew, as He said it, that it would no longer be appropriate for me to sit at His lotus feet.

The following weekend, one swami from the organization came to town for a visit. It was a swami whom I had felt very put off by in the past. Swamiji says that when the ultimate happens, we can put our truth to the test by exposing ourselves to others with whom we've had disagreements. He says that if the enlightenment is real, then we won't feel anger, resentment or animosity towards those we once would have clashed with or avoided. I decided to use this swami's visit as a test. If I had felt any inkling of a need to hide from him, hang my head in shame, or run away due to his past chastisements, then it would have been pertinent for me to continue to be in the sangha until those negative ego feelings be transformed into unconditional love and appreciation for All. Actually seeing him, though, and hearing him speak, revealed something to me beyond anything I had imagined possible. Suddenly, I understood that he had goaded me no differently than he goads everyone else. It became clear that his intentions are not to ostracize or alienate, but- in his own way, no doubt under the influence of the Master- to push others to the point of either fully declaring their Truth or else surrendering their ego claims. Whether he himself does this willfully or whether Swamiji works through him to do it was unclear to me, but regardless, I felt neither negative emotions towards him nor bland acceptance of him. Instead, I felt inspired by his devotion, and moved by the quality of deep peace visible in his eyes... no doubt, this deep peace is the result of Swamiji's powerful divine presence in his life. My ego was clinging too strongly to the idea of being victimized by him in the past to see the archetype that he embodies- the breaker of egos; the bouncer of enlightenment; the strong and determined Nandi who will lay down his everything at the feet of Shiva. (And how silly we would be to expect a 21st century Nandi to embrace us, when the original Nandi would not even embrace Devi herself, but merely tolerated her at Shiva's behest.)

Love, Light, and Arcturian Blessings to All who read this!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Moon Goddess

As I was walking with one of my clients this evening, I noticed the brilliance of a nearly-full moon rising to the East, as the bright summer sun was setting to the west. They were at even height in the sky, illuminating and marking our path, like cosmic gate-keepers suspended on either side of the bridge over Granville Island. When I pointed this out to her, she got excited, and told me about her plans to watch a meteor shower on the weekend.

"It's too bad there's a full moon the same night as the shower, though," she said, "because it might distort our view of the shooting stars..."

As she said this, a vision of her cards came back to my inner sight.

"In your reading, you just pulled two cards that literally illustrate your weekend plans. 'Existence,' and 'Flowering!'" Remember the symbolism of the Existence card- a lone figure sits in meditation, while a shooting star streaks across the cosmic sky before him; and in Flowering, a goddess emerges from a lotus flower, crowned by the glowing full moon. The combination of these two energies is actually very good- the full moon will energetically work to keep you in tune with divine femininity, which will amplify and increase the beauty of your stargazing experience."

"Sudevi-" she asked, after a few moments of watching the sun and the moon, "how do people think of these sorts of things? I mean... energy, and symbols, and the divine?"

"You know," I explained, "mystical understandings of energy and divinity can't really be grasped by linear or analytical thought; they just land in the consciousness of those who are open to higher ideas. Have you ever heard Nithyananda mention a 'Cosmic Download' in one of his discourses?"

She laughed, and said, "No."

"He's mentioned it a few times, usually when someone asks how he 'knows' something- especially when answering mystical questions. He doesn't have to go looking for answers in textbooks or encyclopedias, because any information he needs will be 'downloaded' to his consciousness from a divine source. Many brilliant scientists have experienced something similar, too- eureka moments, when suddenly, answers come into their minds without prior thought, seemingly out of nowhere. The next step, after having one of these spontaneous knowings happen, is to look for proof to back it up.

"Anyhow, the wisdom we have about lunar energy, divinity and symbolic connections comes in this  sort of epiphanous and eurekan way, (why not coin a couple of terms?) where suddenly a mystic just knows that the moon is a catalyst for awakening the divine feminine energy, and then after knowing this, proves it by finding examples of the moons feminine connection."

"I see," she said. "People don't think about spiritual energy; they just suddenly know about it, and then use the thought process to find the proof to back up the knowing once it's already known."


(As an interesting aside, Einstein called this instant knowing intuition. In a discourse about intellect and intuition, he is famously quoted as saying,"We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift." This is especially true in academia and the scientific community. The intellectual approach to knowledge- slow and methodical, based on research, slow study and controlled tests- is considered 'valid,' while intuition, and sudden realizations of truth- which come as voices, visions, and inner knowings- are scrutinized and suspected; often even labeled insane... Ironically enough, Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result each time; which sounds a lot like methodical research, slow study, and controlled tests!)

"Does this happen for everything, or just spiritual information?" she asked.

"You know, that's something that's fascinated me for a long time now!" I answered. "Once, when I was in the ashram, I asked Swamiji a question about a petition that had been faxed to Vancouver for all of us to sign. I asked him whether that was the same petition we were about to sign in Bidadi- just so that we wouldn't discredit it by signing twice. He said, 'I don't know, Ma- let me find out and get back to you.' Anyhow- I had heard him give unimaginably brilliant answers to much more complicated questions than that before, so it got me thinking- does he only download mystical information? Suddenly, though- as if by download!- a thought came to me about my own work. Whenever a client is sitting across from me, words will literally form in my mind, and whatever that person needs to know will be made available in my consciousness. In this way, I've answered questions about business moves, dreams, celestial connections, illnesses, often going into specific medical terminology without any prior knowledge of the subject. But, whenever someone asks me a question just to test me- something like, 'What's my mothers maiden name?' my mind will go blank. I've come to understand that downloading works to answer all the questions that don't have an immediately accessible answer through standard means. So, since all Swamiji would have to do to find out about the petition was call the documents office, there was no need for Him to download the answer. And the same way, when you come in for a reading, if you ask me to explain to you something that you don't already know, words will flow from me until the answer is clear; but if you ask me something you already know the answer to, it won't come to me. Existence doesn't do anything redundant."


We walked a little further, and she asked, "Can you tell me a bit more about the moon and feminine energy?"

Considering most of my mystical knowledge comes from my work with tarot and oracle cards, my own intuitive downloads, and my guru Nithyanandaji, I could tell this client was surprised when I started to tell her the story of a Catholic priest to answer her question.


Last Christmas, my mom- a devout Catholic school teacher- took me to mass. It was a sentimental thing for her to do- she had taken me to church every Sunday when I was little. Although I really wasn't expecting anything this time, the priest really got my attention when he started to deliver his sermon.

"A few nights ago, I saw the most beautiful happening in the night sky.' Father Tim said this in a wide-eyed, spellbound sort of a way. "I was out for a walk, when suddenly I found myself captivated by the beauty of the full moon. After watching it for a few seconds, I noticed a faint reddish shadow start to obscure it's edge. The shadow grew- slowly and steadily- until the entire lunar surface was hidden from sight. Then, as slowly as it had taken over, the shadow started to pass, revealing, sliver by sliver, the full moon's radiance once again. I felt such gratitude to witness this unexpected event! Such gratitude to have gone out for a walk at exactly the right time on exactly the right night to see a total lunar eclipse."

As he told his story of moongazing, Father Tim had the same quality of spiritual enthusiasm in his voice that I had come to love so much when listening to masters deliver discourses. It was the tone of voice Osho had used after his period of silence, when he told his disciples about his enlightenment experience; the tone Swamiji had used when describing his youthful encounter with Shiva as Arunagiri Yogeshwara; the tone Vivekananda used in his first American speach, when he had compelled all to 'Arise! Awake! And sleep not until the goal is reached.' When mystics recount their deep and spiritual stories of realization, they make the energy of their stories available to all those who listen. My youthful break from the Catholic church had created so much distrust in the institution, that I was literally shocked to hear a voice of enlightening clarity echo the walls.

Father Tim's reverence for the beauty of the lunar eclipse was such a joy to listen to, that I couldn't imagine hearing anything better. But as he went on, his story was so much more than even that:

"I'm not sure how long I had stood watching the moon. I was thinking about Christmas, planning my sermon, just enjoying nature... when suddenly, the thought of sacred maternity popped into my mind. I remembered Mary, remembered the essential role she played in the Nativity; remembered Mary, whom we hail as the Mother of God.'

At this point, I was literally sitting on the edge of my pew. Of course, I had heard priests refer to Mary as the Mother of God before- but always in a dry, academic tone of voice. Father Tim's timbre was far from dry...

"We must remember that Mary was chosen to carry and deliver a child who who was the Son of God Almighty. Mary is, according to all authorities of our faith, undeniably, the Mother of the Son of God."

I held my breath, and Father Tim said the most powerful thing I had ever heard a priest say.

"How could she be the Mother of the Son of God unless Mary herself was equal to God? Every mother and father are equally needed to birth their child into the world. In that sense, along with God, Mary co-created the life of Jesus."

My eyes were filled with tears, and my smile stretched wide across my face, as he said it one more time for impact.

"Mary the Mother, along with our heavenly Father, worked together as co-creators to give us Jesus, the savior."


My client, herself familiar with the patriarchal closed-mindedness of mosts Catholics, was speechless.

"Father Tim gave an eloquent and powerful message about God as more than patriarch alone, but as a combined parental force- Father and Mother. Translated into C atholic terminology, and using the characters familiar to all Catholic families, he told us exactly what all the new age teachers and popular mystics around the world declare- that God is Yin and Yang together, male and female, Shiva and Shakti, Osiris and Isis. Never before in my Catholic-raised life had I heard a priest say that Mary- a mortal woman- was equal to God in Heaven. Such a statement would, at one time, have been considered blasphemy. But at this magical mass, the Saturday evening before Christmas, the entire congregation listened with baited breath as Father Tim explained to them a truth that had been hiding in plain sight in scriptures all along. The Mother of God is God in Mother form."


"Wow is right! And to top it all off, this sermon didn't come to the priest from a book. It didn't come from a dream or from a long night thinking up an appropriate message. It came as a download, hand in hand with a beautiful lunar eclipse. Father Tim may not have known that shamanic religions connect the full moon with sacred feminine energy. He may not have known that the Moon is to the Goddess what the Sun is to the God. He may not have known that mystics around the world meditate on the moon's cycle to get in tune with the voice of the Mother. But still, this Catholic priest had a direct experience of the divine feminine while he openly admired the full moon. Mary herself spoke to him that night. She reminded him of the importance of a mother, the necessity of a mother, when any new era is to be born."

My client looked as touched as I had been when listening to the words of the wise priest.

She said, "All these mystics and shamans who say the goddess is connected to the full moon... they just know it from experience. But this sermon Father Tim gave is even stronger proof than theirs, because it happened to him without his seeking it! Sudevi- wow. Thank you for this story- now I understand completely how it works. People don't just decide to think about energy or divinity and theorize or philosophize. They experience profound moments of connection, and then- after experiencing- connect the dots as to what the experiences mean. The moon is a catalyst for divine feminine awareness not because some new agers think it's a pretty symbol, but because it just is."


My mom and I walked to her car in amicable silence after mass that evening.

As we buckled up, she asked, ever the knowing mother, "So... what do you think of our new parish priest?"

In the excited tone of a child who had just unwrapped the most amazing Christmas gift, I said, "Father Tim is truly a mystic! He is fully in tune with the Divine. The Goddess herself- as Mary- speaks to him!"

"I had a feeling you might not be bored at church tonight."

When I told my mom that many modern mystics and 'new age' teachers are heralding the times we're now living in as the return of the Goddess, when the Divine Mother will claim her title along with the Divine Father as co-creator of the World, and that this message is said to come from meditating on the beauty of the moon, she shared in my delight.

The gap that has long existed between patriarchal religious politics and feminine spiritual whimsy is being bridged. Now is the time.


As a believer in my tarot practice, I consult my cards whenever I make a new move- whether to do with my personal life, career, or spiritual path. So, tonight, before writing what you've just read, I pulled out my deck, shuffled, and asked:

Should I write a blog about the full moon and divine femininity?

I gasped aloud when I pulled in reply a card called Patience. One of the most lovely cards in the Osho Zen Tarot, the image on the card of Patience is that of a beautiful pregnant woman. She sits serenely, surrounded by blossoming flowers, her hands gently supporting her round belly. Her eyes are closed, and the corners of her pretty mouth are turned up in a knowing smile. Above her, as the only other feature of the card, are the phases of the moon. Arcing across the sky above her, from waxing crescent to the left, to full right above her head, and waning to her right... The phases of the moon. In short, a lunar cycle at a glance; exactly what's seen in an eclipse. She is the Moon Goddess- a gentle, loving Mother; patient because she knows her delivery will happen exactly when it's meant to happen.

There's no need to rush, no need to slow down- perfect, like the cycles of the moon, are all things born from compassion. Saraswathi is joining Brahma; Lakshmi is joining Vishnu, Shakthi is joining Shiva. Whether we call her Mary, Devi, Isis, White Buffalo Calf Woman, or simply the Mother, she is patiently waiting to claim her place in our hearts- not next to, but one with, God. Mother and Father, Yin and Yang, Goddess and God.


TThe next time there's a full moon in the sky, you yourself can connect with the Goddess. Whether you call her Mary, Devi, Hina, Ishtar, Isis, Diana, Saraswathi, or just Mother... Look up, and feel the presence of her glowing benevolence. Feel her loving eyes gaze back at you. No doubt, her blessingreach us here on Earth as the radiant rays emanating from the full moon. (Co-created, of course, with the Father, whose solar light illuminates her otherwise modest and hidden face.)