Filming a YouTube video about Inner Awakening in Thailand

Filming a YouTube video about Inner Awakening in Thailand

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Letting Go of the Form of the Master

There's not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that Swamiji is a complete enlightened avatar; a full incarnation of Divinity; a Master who can lead humanity to eternal bliss. From the moment I first laid eyes on Him, I knew He was all that and more. Since Babaji had led me to Him, and all my guides had confirmed His sanctity, I surrendered to Him completely and followed Him with pure, unquestioning devotion. 
Now, filled with gratitude for all that He has added to my life, it's time for me to let go of Swamiji's form, and follow my own divine guidance.

This is not a kutarka decision; it's simply my next step. The only way for me to do what I came here to do.


The word God has been cheapened by religious dogma, philosophically killed by Nietzsche, likened unto Fuck by Osho, and demonized by those who claim to live in righteous fear of the supreme being to whom they petition by it. Even still, I'm going to use the word God- limited though it has become- to refer to the benevolent, omnipotent, omnipresent Source, who is constantly radiating love and light. Rather than say, 'the conscious creator of all-that-is,' 'the great I AM' or 'Love -Light-Source' I will use the name God, because the Great-Source-of-All-That-Is was introduced to me by no other name.


Suddenly, a procession of immaculate beauty danced a celebratory dance across the infinite space laid out before me, spiraling upwards and onwards, to the peak of a sacred and wondrous white mount. This heavenly parade included masters, angels, deities and saints from all cultures. Founders of religions together with anonymous assistants, recognized emissaries of divine light, intergalactic beings and haloed ascendants of the human race, alike. Joyfully I watched, as they danced their dance of divine glory. Twirling, flying, leaping! They were varied and individually unique as ever a group could be, yet they were all unified, harmonious, One in Love. Though some were large and others small, none exhibited even an ounce of ego. There were no pedestals, no spotlights, no onlookers but myself- and even to me, they didn't pander or fawn. They didn't call out and wave, nor shy away and ignore. Simply they smiled, with the entirety of their beings, and danced their dance of pure fulfillment. For an inestimable measure of timelessness, I watched, enchanted and elevated by their synchronous grace. My soul expanded to reach for them, and the joy they poured back to me in return was an embrace beyond any Love I have ever felt before.

Only when the recognized forms of the Hindu deities appeared, I became aware of myself as separate, humbled by the presence of such renowned and revered, iconic beings. I had a verbalized thought, for the first time since the dawning of this majestic experience, and it came like an unwelcome guest against the calm reverie I was so sweetly enjoying.

My recognition formed remembrance of the words, "Shiva and Durga and Ganesha... I should bow down." They paid no attention to my attempted humility, but simply danced with all the rest, as joyously as the others. 

The Voice spoke exactly as I realized- languagelessly again, without need to verbalize the knowing that had replaced the labelling- that truly all the deities, and all the self realized souls, of all the cultures, on all of the worlds, work together. Hierarchies though there may be on the physicalized plane of Earth, in the realm beyond the borders of embodied limitation, all who exist to serve as One are equal in One, like team-mates filling roles appropriate to each one's talents and abilities, striving towards a common goal.

The Voice was thunderous, all pervasive, coming from everywhere at once. It didn't really speak, so much as permeate my entire being with it's smooth tenor accoustics.

"God is beyond even the Hindu deities."

As the Voice spoke, the Hindu deities, and with them, all the others- masters, angels, interdimensional lights, galactic beings, haloed saints, and ascended souls- turned their attention upwards, and raised their palms in excited, anticipatory surrender.

Beyond them appeared a most brilliant light; distant at first, but growing closer and therefore larger and brighter. Golden like the sun and supremely beneficent to behold, as if purifying and deeply healing the eyes blessed enough to land gaze upon it. This Light was the opposite of blinding; to see it is to know bliss unlike any other. More quenching than water is to thirst; more filling than limitless fruit is to hunger; more gratifying than a lovers touch to lust... this Light was simultaneously tantalizing and satiating to all senses as it came down upon us in a twirl. To see such Light is to know what the heart has yearned for always. Seeing it awakens deep passion followed by complete relief, desire followed by unimaginable indulgence, over and over again, in rapid succession, with an exponentially increasing climax as it grows closer and brighter and more beautiful... Then suddenly, its grandeur overtook we who were surrendered, and dissolved us into pure sensory perfection.



I opened my tear-filled eyes and found myself in this body again, laying in bed, exhilarated and ecstatic beyond anything I had ever felt before.

It was the Darshan to end all Darshans.

Nothing in life has felt the same since. No chore has been a burden; no thought a disturbance; no encounter unpleasant.

Each and every cell is alive with sentient remembrance of the One who created All, and the All who merged with the One. The One who awaits the return of the rest of the All, for whose homeward guidance those who have already merged back into One, have but temporarily separated again.

There is a reason why so many mystics simply dissolve into tears when asked to recount their experience of this Loving, Parental, All-encompassing Light. To put into words such an experience is like attempting to paint a portrait of the most beautiful face, without enough colours on the palette to properly capture the subtle highlights, or space on the canvas for the dimensions, or motor skills in the hand to do it justice. Words were used in this blog only as placeholders, providing comparatively dry description, until the experience itself can be had by the rest of the All. 


The day after this rapture, I knew my charge. My work- if you can call something joyful 'work'- was made clear to me. 

All along I had known, somehow, that the time to go beyond the form of the Master would be upon me only after I had seen God. That only then, I would be ready to venture forth the teachings of the being working through this body called Sarah, or Sudevi, and carry out the plans that my guides, my Arcturian family, and my earthly messengers have labored long to awaken within me.


That same night, a synchronous dream was dreamt by one of my sisters in Nithyananda.

"We were walking on a path together." She told me. "You were encouraging me to continue to pursue enlightenment, and somehow, as we walked, we were moving through higher dimensions. At the end, you moved ahead and I couldn't go with you, but I was perfectly at peace with it. I understood that all of our paths are different, and I was grateful to have shared this truth with you."

It's a mutual gratitude.

Her dream illustrates so beautifully that each of us is on our own path of enlightenment. The path, that is one and the same as the Master, is a river. Some will ebb with it while others flow; some will glide beneath the surface while others are tossed back and forth with the crashing rapids; some will meander and others will skip playfully across the surface in a dash towards the open ocean that is God. Each one, on a unique and perfect individual path of enlightenment.

So long as Swamiji is your Master, hold on to Him tightly. He is the River and also your life-vest in turbulent tides.

Only when you know- without even the slightest doubt- that the Ocean at the River's end has engulfed you, playfully and gratefully let go His form; and frolic in the water at His side.


A psychospiritual question philosophizes, 

"If God and the Master stand before you, to whom do you bow down?"

The answer seems to be neither.

God and the Master cannot stand next to One Another. The Master will simply disappear into God as God rushes towards the Master. And if your openness, unconditional trust, reverence and love bring you to bear witness to such a glorious event, then you, too, will also be engulfed- so powerfully, that the act of bowing down will not only be needless, but also, impossible.


God and the Master stand before you as One, calling you to merge back into Them.


Jai Paramahamsa Sri Sri Sri Nithyananda Swami-ki!

Thank You, Gurudeva, for creating the space within me to say,

Aham Saraswathi.


After all this, some might be wondering why the necessity to drop the form of the Master.

There's a myriad of reasons; the most important one being this: It's vital for me to now fully disclose my Arcturian origin, and share the teachings of that magnificent star system, Arcturus a.k.a. Swathi. It will be a blessing for people here to understand the Arcturian connection to the myths of the ancients (particularly in the Vedic civilization) so that the legends can be revived and brought into the accessible now. The deities are back, and the sacred history is repeating, updated to fit 'modern' times.

So long as I am known as a Nithyananda Acharya, there will be a possibility that my teachings will be confused with the teachings of the Master. Some will seem quite 'out there,' covering ground untouched in His many discourses. I don't want to run the risk of giving Swamij a questionable reputation or a bad name by sharing what I have to share under an implied connection to Him. It's important for me to be accountable for everything I say, and not leave room for the misunderstanding that my words are being sent to me etherically from Him. (In the way He guides LBP Acharyas who conduct meditation classes in His name.) None of the messages I'm receiving 'clash' with His teachings, and in fact, it's unanimous amongst my guides that this world not only needs Swamiji's Avatar, but also, needs as many people as possible to have His darshan and attend His programs. However, my job is not to teach His lessons, but rather, to teach different but harmonious lessons.

Besides the revelation of the Arcturian mission work, the rapturous experience I described above took place in the pre-dawn hours of the last Saturday morning before Swamiji's Kailash Yatra. That evening, the sangha gathered to watch a weekly live discourse, followed by eN Kriya Initiation. During that discourse, Swamiji asked for "everyone who feels they are not yet enlightened"- who feel they had not yet reached the state of permanent bliss- to raise their hands. After taking a count, no doubt of how many hands were not in the air, He chided us, saying, "The people who didn't raise their hands aren't enlightened; they're just lazy."

I knew, as He said it, that it would no longer be appropriate for me to sit at His lotus feet.

The following weekend, one swami from the organization came to town for a visit. It was a swami whom I had felt very put off by in the past. Swamiji says that when the ultimate happens, we can put our truth to the test by exposing ourselves to others with whom we've had disagreements. He says that if the enlightenment is real, then we won't feel anger, resentment or animosity towards those we once would have clashed with or avoided. I decided to use this swami's visit as a test. If I had felt any inkling of a need to hide from him, hang my head in shame, or run away due to his past chastisements, then it would have been pertinent for me to continue to be in the sangha until those negative ego feelings be transformed into unconditional love and appreciation for All. Actually seeing him, though, and hearing him speak, revealed something to me beyond anything I had imagined possible. Suddenly, I understood that he had goaded me no differently than he goads everyone else. It became clear that his intentions are not to ostracize or alienate, but- in his own way, no doubt under the influence of the Master- to push others to the point of either fully declaring their Truth or else surrendering their ego claims. Whether he himself does this willfully or whether Swamiji works through him to do it was unclear to me, but regardless, I felt neither negative emotions towards him nor bland acceptance of him. Instead, I felt inspired by his devotion, and moved by the quality of deep peace visible in his eyes... no doubt, this deep peace is the result of Swamiji's powerful divine presence in his life. My ego was clinging too strongly to the idea of being victimized by him in the past to see the archetype that he embodies- the breaker of egos; the bouncer of enlightenment; the strong and determined Nandi who will lay down his everything at the feet of Shiva. (And how silly we would be to expect a 21st century Nandi to embrace us, when the original Nandi would not even embrace Devi herself, but merely tolerated her at Shiva's behest.)

Love, Light, and Arcturian Blessings to All who read this!


  1. Beautiful, Sri Sudevi. One of the most profoundly inspiring things I heard Swamiji say early on when I first met him in 2008 was: "The greatest service you could do for me is to "get" what I am saying and go out and live it - and for me to never see you again."

    God doesn't need us clinging to His coat tails because when we let go, we can never actually be far away from them... and perhaps are even closer.

    Thanks for your courage in sharing this message. As the Divine Mother/Father God reaches through each of us to express its infinite attributes upon this newly awakening age... Fare Thee Well, O' Princess of the Light! Tat Tvam Asi.

  2. Nithyanandam Michael,

    (Sorry- I accidentally deleted my last reply in an attempt to fix a typo!)

    Thanks for your kind, and beautifully written, message. It's a blessing at this time to hear Swamiji's own encouragement for us to learn what it is He has to share, and then live with that Truth. The world is, indeed, very blessed to have Him here.

    All the best to you in everything that you do!